I want to set boundaries, deadlines and consequences for my son and I'd like your feedback

support
boundaries
#22

You guys ROCK!
My journey started in 1985. Lots of ups and downs. It helps me to remember that people whose children have no substance abuse problems have their own struggles. Face-to-face meetings are good but not always possible. I only do one face-to-face a week now. I loved reading this. It’s not my pain but I remember when it was. My biggest fear now is that I will forget how it is for there are always new people born into my family. Alcoholism runs hard and fast in my family.
Hope it is OK to say this here.
I love you all for your bravery
Hugs,
Nora

#19

You are so right @Seapa, I realize how many mistakes I have made, but I won’t give up. I am going to keep up with my son, and my daughter no matter what. I believe it was my false pride that made me think I could control or change anyone other than myself. My ego is a beast. But I’m taming it, I think, or maybe I am just filing down my horns a little. I do love and cherish you all and appreciate your involvement in this project.

#23

Thanks @Newnoz, it’s helpful to have “old timers” like you here on this forum to give those of us in the thick of things a little sense that there is a way out, on, and up. Thank you for the encouragement!:sunflower:

#24

My son, now that I can look back over time, had more than normal anxiety as a child. The episodes were very intermittent, so it wasn’t apparent to me or anyone else. The Psychiatric community is realizing that anxiety has been overlooked/undertreated in childhood, and many of the kids have gone on to have “issues” as adults.

My son started to smoke marijuana around 1999 when he was about 15. The laws, the science, the stigma, the resources, the understanding has changed and improved soooo much in 20 years, and even more in just the last few.
Sometimes I look at his life and how I’ve interacted with it all and just feel so pathetic and heartbroken! Luckily, I’m a very positive, hopeful person and I no longer feel badly about my “part” in all this. Also I am learning a lot with this community and am in pursuit of progress. I am such a problem-solving, action-oriented person that I really feel that the education and progress I make for myself will eventually also help my son.

I totally get that he has to WANT it. I also believe that my actions and words MAY influence him. It is reasonable to think this, right? I don’t think that contradicts boundary setting, correct?

Thanks for letting me vent. Have a great day. Off for a hike. Be strong and loving

#25

I have a few very clear blunt rules. My people are my dad and my taytors mom.
No drugs in my house.
Don’t come over high.
I will not give money.

A few boundaries.
If you steal from me, you’re no longer welcome in my safe space.
Disregard and disrespect towards my child will result in removal from our lives.

It took me a long time to get to where I could enforce my boundaries. Honestly I didn’t start till I started raising the kid. I can only do so much before it starts to take away from her.