Friends of my loved one aren't inclusive & sometimes even I'm distant. How to make her feel more included?


#1

Expanding on this post - Also she wants to feel more included on my life and family, after all the lying and stealing from the past it’s been tough not to sometimes be distant or for my friends to be inclusive. What can I do about that?


#2

Hey Dean - I completely understand this situation but good thing to know, it’s not as scary as it seems. I hurt much of my family and friends, stole from them, lied to them, etc

The driving force of this is shame, shame is really the Achilles heal of addiction (at least for me) and once she is able to forgive herself it will be much easier. Be upfront and direct with friends and relatives

Something like “I’m sorry I hurt you in the past, my addiction was really out of control and I am working hard on getting myself healthy”

Never have her apologize for her addiction, only the pain of suffering it might have caused. This should help diffuse the tension upfront and go from a sense of detachment to a sense of inclusion


#4

I’m still working on this one too @Dean_Acton so let us know what works for you!

I found with my family being 100% honest has been best. Sometimes they haven’t liked it. But they know how special a human my husband is and how great a man he has been to me. He just needed some time to show them.

Friends…that’s been an uphill battle. Some easier than others, so we gravitate there. Others are still more separate. They just saw me go through so much pain and they love me so I get it.

The thing I’ve found toughest is his ultimate desire to be social and connected, yet his complete inability to do so without substances. This is the biggest hindrance to building new connections, that I know would bring him so much joy!


#3

Such good insight! Helps flip the switch on how we talk to our loved ones about their addiction, too.