Have you found out a loved one in active addiction has stolen from you? And how did you handle the situation?

trust
communication
#20

Let go completely. Without second guessing yourself or the standards you set on how u want to be treated

#25

My dad would steal from me if I irresponsibly left money in my room and in my car. He didnā€™t do it often, but when he did, he would say it was for gas or food. He did steal from my little sister many times; searching in her room by going through her personal belongings. My sister was only 12-13 at the time and seeing her hurt was unbearable for me and my dad. He would apologize and tell us that there are voices in his head and he couldnā€™t help himself with gambling. I was going through a divorce during that time and didnā€™t try hard enough to encourage my dad to get help.
Guam does not have a rehabilitation facility. Counselors are overwhelmed and my dad didnā€™t find comfort in any of them.
My mom and my little sister left him. They are in Washington now. It is just me and my dad on Guam. I am still searching for help.

#21

@Dani just speaking from my experience and what I might do here (totally respect @kl1m - we all have our own experiences! butā€¦) I would offer the invite to join for a healthy behavior you and he enjoys and you know is good for him.

He may not show up. But when they are in active addiction they are not themselves. If we are clear what we can stand (aka Knowing & Living in our Limits) we can get intentional on what weā€™ll put up with.

SO an example might be:

  • if you aggressively text me while drunk I will block your number
  • If you would like to attend meditation sober I would love you to join me

These are limits you might come up with and for best practice of them, we communicate them to the person / partner in a neutral setting, asking permission to have a conversation that might be a bit frictional to prepare them and give them the chance to ā€˜opt-inā€™ to the conversation so they donā€™t feel threatened and so it can be a collaborative situation.

With collaboration weā€™re more likely to get a better result than trying to enforce our will.

What do you think? How have things played out since you posted this?

#27

Fortunately, my boyfriend has not stolen from me but he has from many others. I know he makes more money and he makes a lot of excuses to get out of paying for these which I find really suspicious. That hurts my feelings because I wish he would take care of the bill sometimes or offer to pay for things, but he seems to choose not to.

#28

Both my kids would play off each other. I had no idea which one. I got the ā€œnot meā€ answer. I dealt with it by keeping a constant tally of my money, hiding my mothers purse in secret spots, sleeping with my money in my pillow and putting a lock on our bedroom door. Now we have a safe. I have made aware our boundary. Telling your kids ā€œsorry, I just donā€™t trust youā€ is uncomfortable, but I do it. My husband and I can barely get on the same page to deal with the substance abuse and deception. He would be passive aggressive and wait way past the critical teachable moment or turning point. To this day we are working on that. It is his turn to step up and be a dad and enforce our boundaries, my son, you he would have a place to stay if he chose to be sober. He haschoosen the substance, he has to:face_vomiting: leave in 30 days. We got to stage 1, now its hearing his father say its time to go, we are not helping you by letting you stay and it is unhealthy for us to have our boundary disrespected. Lets see what happens this weekend. My son stays away til we are asleep and there is no proper dealing with issues heading out the door to work. My daughter is floundering trying to make things work in either Brooklyn or Washington Heights NY. She wants me to ask her back home. She has to learn herself this time, Ive swept in and prolonged change by making her comfortable. When she visits all my valuables go in the safe. Im trying to deal with the deception and trust her, but not yet. Both my kids are wonderful people that will manipulate, deceive and sometimes steal.

#29

My husband has definitely stolen from me, he always admits it. Usually once he gets home from getting high. He has pawned his wedding ring and our weed eater, we agreed to sell our lawnmower and he took some of the money from that, he stole a check and cashed it. I have thought in those moments to call the police, but how can I do that? How can I send my husband to prison and ruin our relationship and potentially his life. Sure, using drugs is his choice, but jail and prison is no place for an addict to get help.