How has your and your partner’s separate experiences affected your collective understanding of addiction?

#1

When you and your partner have been separately affected by others using substance(s), how does this affect the dynamic between you two / with your children / with your family / etc.?

How do I handle the relationship between adult addicted child and husband, his dad, who is not very forgiving? Or do I stay out of the middle?
How do I handle the relationship between adult addicted child and husband, his dad, who is not very forgiving? Or do I stay out of the middle?
#2

While our experience plays a part, I also believe the “mom” versus “male/significant other/hubby” also provide a lens of how we look at the situation. For example: my partner’s past experience brings fast anxiety when we talk about the situation or if my son and I have a disagreement. He is quicker to believe if he messes up that out the door he should go. My current partner had an wife addicted to RX and took him to bankruptcy and sometimes job loss and hungry. He knows all too well how far one can go thinking they are helping yet are totally enabling. The “Mom” in me has a difficult time sending him off homeless to live in his car with no inspection or insurance while on probation. My son has a job and end of this month he is off house arrest. I also believe that family living together will have disagreements which distresses my man easily - he is so loving and sensitive. My partner and I have such bliss when not dealing with my son and we are back together after 30 some years (dated late high school early 20’s). We do have a unique dynamic relationship and background. I value his point of view which helps me to keep from enabling yet ultimately, my decision is the final one; my son has no other family but me. There is so much to say on the dynamics of past and present! Today, I am okay yet I question myself to holding to the boundaries I have set no matter the cost to my son’s life when he is making steps to move forward.

#3

Back together after 30 some years?! That’s so special!

A mantra I often use is: "I allow the past to inform, not direct."

It sounds like your husband offers past experience(s) that inform the current dynamics between him, you, and your son… and, like you said, you get to decide/direct where you go from here.

Thank you for sharing so honestly, @Marie_Marie!