Our son denies he’s addicted. He admits smoking pot. He admits use of Heroin a long time ago. Now he admits smoking “a little meth” but denies his addiction. He has sold it himself in order to support his habit but denies that too. He has stole drugs and money from other people. He needs help but won’t admit it
What can I do to get my son to admit he is an addict. He is 35 yrs old
polly
#3
Look for moments when he’s more open to discussing the matter. Keep in mind that he may not have to admit he is an addict (ever) to get to a place where he might be open for some help. Take whatever openings you can to explore the topic with him by asking him what he wants to be doing but isn’t currently making time or space for. If we can tap into his motivations for activities and goals outside of substance use we can open opportunities to help him take steps towards those desires.
Focusing on the negative effects of substance use instead of the substance use itself can help open up a collaborative conversation too.
Collaboration is key. Seems @Julie_Smith was able to find success with that too.
PS. My husband who went to hit rock bottom, went to rehab and is 2+ years on now and still sometimes struggles wouldn’t ever call himself an addict - not now, not then.
Julie_Smith
#2
My son responded to my question about if he wanted help. This happened after I got in touch with him and was spending a little time helping him clean up his apartment in preparation for moving out. His life had been chaotic for a while and he had flunked out of college and had some other bad consequences of drug use.
I asked if there was any program that he would be interested in to get help, and soon after he texted that he thought suboxone would help him with opiate cravings. This was around 2 years ago. He’s been on medication assisted treatment since then, so he has to see a dr at least once a month and get drug tested. He has been up and down since then, still testing for opiates recently although he is taking the suboxone as well.
He has referred to himself as an addict recently, so he is aware of his problem. He has trouble working up motivation to make steady changes in his life. That’s where he is right now.
I would suggest trying to be nonjudgmental when with your son and look for a moment when he has some mental clarity to ask him if he is ready to get help, and have specific examples of help ready to offer. My son has been unwilling to go to inpatient rehab but was willing to do some level of outpatient. Maybe you could convince him to go talk to a LCDC counselor together.
Ginny
#4
To this day my son still hasn’t admitted that he is an “addict”, but he has acknowledged he’s needed to make big changes regarding getting help for his opiate use. He had used substances (marijuana, psychedelics, alcohol, pills) on and off since he was a teenager (over 20 years) and it wasn’t until he became addicted to heroin that he asked for help (he was 34). Before that it was always our family intervening and sending him to treatment.
He is currently on suboxone and has been for a few years. Just like @Julie_Smith my son is also working on his motivation to make steady changes in his life. As a family we do our best to find ways to excite him about life as a sober person and help him see his own amazing potential for a better future. And I agree with @polly about looking for moments when he’s open or willing to have a conversation about it - if there is a confrontation out of the blue it may make him automatically put up his defenses. Try to find a time when you are both in a good head space to speak about what’s going on in his life and what he wants, and this way it will be a two way conversation.
Marie_Marie
#5
My son has had quite a run and slowly progressed to treatment in response to a DUI after he moved out on his own. He reports that he was doing drugs and alcohol over a girl breakup and wanted to be done with life. I watch his journey from late high school, through some college years until a big blow up and kick him out; was fortunate to sell house at same time otherwise he probably wouldn’t have left. I knew it was only time, about 6 or 9 months till a major event! He is now in recovery over 90days, on house arrest with me, as he lost his place to live and job. I’m clear on my boundaries, struggle with being respectful in my words when my perspective believe he is not stepping up and I work yet struggle holding him accountable to get tasks done. My timeline seems to be faster than his. We both are working together to learn as communicate. So far so good! I had to make the break as he was an adult and interfering with my happiness with his “isms” of addiction. We talked about my triggers so he knows and I go to family meeting for AA with him. I walk a cautious line in building a new relationship and repair an old one.
Raking
#7
This is all new…but his 2nd DUI, I truly believe he is ready to help himself. Please hope with me as I do with you fellow supporters.
The shame and stigma around a person having an addiction is often times why they won’t surrender to it and because they think they can control it only to find out time and time that they can’t without major changes to people, places things and beliefs in their lives. Funny thing is … these people who are in recovery are some of the most genuine, real, giving people you may ever meet. Our world needs more of these character assets.
Recovery inspires.
Jill_Seiter
#6
Good question. I recall my daughter not admitting that she was addicted. We took her to the emergency room once to see if she could get any help. The ER physician explained to her that she was addicted and that she needed to stop and get help through a rehab or she would continue to spiral down. This didn’t seem to phase her enough because she continued to use drugs. I thought about doing an intervention. There is a book that I read that explained how to go about that process. It’s called “Love First” A families guide to intervention. I would recommend that you check out rehab centers closely. Narconon is based on Scientology. I was unaware of this fact and sent our daughter by plane to their facility in Arizona and found this out after the fact. I was mortified. I wish I had heard of “A Forever Recovery” in Battle Creek Michigan. I now know 2 people who have gone there. They offer 3 different plans for recovery according to what the individual feels will work best for them. I wish you all the best. Hang in there!
ashleykm3
#10
I completely agree with you both @Lesley_Cooney @Jane ! Stigma can play such a huge role in prolonging the healing process and muddying the waters in your loved one’s self-awareness. The most important thing you (and anyone reading this) can do is provide a safe space and no-judgement zone for them.
Barry
#11
Agreed as well @Lesley_Cooney @Jane @ashleykm3! I recently asked my son if he considers himself “sober” or “in recovery”. His response was “none, I don’t like the labels and I’m just living my life the best I can and no longer depend on drugs to feel something.” I was blown away and INSPIRED!
ashleykm3
#13
@Barry I really like your son’s response! It’s interesting to think about how even seemingly positive labels, like “sober” or “in recovery” can still end up boiling someone down to just one thing in the same way that negative labels can, when in fact, they are so much more! Your son’s attitude is awesome 