Why am I so anxious?

[Alair]

@PeerGroup5,
My son has passed the three months of sobriety mark. He doesn’t like to be reminded, so I said nothing. I tell him I am proud of him frequently.
Nothing else has changed, that I can identify. But I am filled with anxiety, much more than usual, and I don’t know why.
We have been working on him getting signed up for unemployment. He couldn’t even think about that task at first. We finally completed that process, with some computer help from me, but he did a lot of it on his own.
I worry about employment for him in the future, but I am very aware that his brain is not ready for him to take on so much responsibility at this time.
I was extremely anxious while he was in for detox, and terrified when he first came home. But with the help and support from this group and another group (PALS) that I attend, I began to have some peace. I know there is nothing but my own behavior that I can control and I think that I have accepted that. So why has the anxiety returned with such force?

[momentsandlight]

@Alair That is so awesome to hear that your son has three months of sobriety! Congrats to him on a huge accomplishment. You are both so strong.

I think it’s completely normal to continue to feel anxious, even after you’ve both made such progress. After years of dealing with the ups and downs of recovery with my. husband, I’ve learned that the fears and anxiety never fully go away. I am still triggered by certain behaviors and even triggered by stretches of good times. But being more aware and knowing that these feelings are temporary, that I can let them go, that they don’t necessarily mean anything, helps immensely.

Here’s a similar topic I posted several years ago:

Anyone else get scared when things are going well?

When your loved one is clean, and life is perfectly ordinary, and you’re just grateful for the happiness and the small moments and how far you’ve come… do you ever get scared that it’s too good to last? How do you cope?

And another post about dealing with anxiety:

Help with anxiety ridden thoughts

I’m struggling tonight. My S/O is 51 days clean today. I’m on a weeks vacation and this weekend I’m spending time away with my kids. Then later in the week I am leaving with him to go on a sober trip to New Orleans to celebrate his 40th and see his favorite band. We have AA meetings mapped out and he has been going to meetings everyday. New Orleans might sound weird, but it’s his favorite city and band. I told him if he lived to see 40 and got sober I’d take him. Well he did it. He Went inpatien…

Tap those conversations to read the full thread and hopefully you find some of the responses there helpful, as well! You are doing great, @Alair and I’m so glad you’re here.

[Jeanbug]

I have not been very active here as I am dealing with a lot in my life. But I’m glad I can be here and see I’m not the only one having the same problems, and thank everyone for the chance to be a part of this. Now as to my thoughts on why so anxious. My opinion, and experience is that we get to where our trust in our loved ones is weaker than we had thought, or tried to hold onto. As so many times no matter how great a person is doing in recovery we just seem to wait for the shoe to fall and back to bedlum so to say. That, I believe is a normal reaction. Myself, at times I think I’ll be the one to cause a relapse by just my reaction to my loved one in recovery. My trust is lacking, but I pray every day to overcome it. This is our addiction, not by choice, subconsciously it just works that way. But just have as much faith as one can. Recovery is possible for each and every addict, it just takes time to see that. Good for your son. It’s wonderful he is doing the right walk.

[Thinkstet]

Sorry @Alair - I am having a similar feeling with my son right now, as well. My son has some issues and I try to stay out of them and let him handle and when I do release that control, as I must and do, he still needs help.

If I stay all the way out I get a late punch in the gut.
If I hover about every decision I am the thief of his joy and mastery.

I know it will pass. I just hope that you can try to keep giving yourself a lot of soothing energy. Don’t let it get you beat- you have to just practice the H’ponopono and guess what? Even then, you’re never sure- because you are separate and not responsible ultimately for your child’s choices.

Hang in there- take a bath- throw rocks into ponds - it will be ok. you are so loved in this group. I am so glad you’re here…

[Alair]

As so many times no matter how great a person is doing in recovery we just seem to wait for the shoe to fall.

I think that’s a big part of it. Waiting for the fall. Not trusting the current calm. Having struggled so hard to let go of the effort to control, now waiting for this to fail.
I also realize that while in theory, this takes time and patience, and I’ve been patient for the length of my endurance. Now I want everything to fall in to place. Under that thin layer of patience is a whole lot of impatience.

[Thinkstet]

It is excrutiating. It is such a different landscape from the child parenting life. Once our children are adults their problems are big BIG _BIG. Okay, I can’t predict the future so I predict grounded positively moving forward

[Alair]

If I stay all the way out I get a late punch in the gut.
If I hover about every decision I am the thief of his joy and mastery.

We are walking the same kind of path. It’s so, so difficult. I don’t remember this in Parenting 101 or even the advanced classes! Lol.
I’m sorry that it’s your experience too. I appreciate being in this group, and that you all are honest in your sharing. It helps me feel so not alone. I hope it helps you as well!