Any Tips for How to Handle the Holidays / Long Weekends Ahead?

self-care
communication
#1

What helps you most when you’re preparing for holidays, big / small / holy / secular ? Do you make a plan? Do you write it or talk it over? I’m compiling a list of ideas - Maybe we can come up with some good ones to help us enrich our traditions.

I think it’s important to honor your friends and family, and it’s also is perfectly fine to disagree with them about some things that are not really all that important. In my 60’s childhood you didn’t argue with your parents, and that was how it went. Can you relate?

TIP # 1
When I’m going to see family I spend a some travel time thinking about:

  • the interactions I want to have with them
  • how much I want to disclose
  • what positive things are happening in my life and in the lives of my children
  • one interest that the other person has told me about

It helps me accept that I have no obligation to share everything with my family by virtue of their birthright. I can choose what kind of relationships we have now as adults.

What helps you over long weekends and holidays?

#2

Happy Labor Day, @Thinkstet! Our weather is unseasonably hot; how about yours?

On to the topic. I too am a 60’s gal and I NEVER argued with my Dad… but things have definitely changed since then, thank goodness. I have 3 daughters of my own, all are strong successful women who do not hold back when they disagree with me. We have had several arguments about my decision to bring “my” StepD into our home, but they were only worried about me. Obviously, my husband & I went ahead and brought her home (5 1/2 months ago). When things go wrong here, I often have to control myself from turning to my girls for a shoulder to cry or scream on. I don’t want them to worry too much. I do have siblings who live far enough away that I can share my frustrations with them and that helps relieve some of the stress that builds up in me. Sometimes, it helps just to talk it out.

#3

@beckycornell47 - and @PeerGroup11 -

I try not to overshare with my daughter about my son and visa versa. It’s a trap and a weak move. We all share information within our family. In addition, my children are my only points of reference for some parts of our lives together- so some information is sure to move from one to another. And, you’re also right that it does help to talk it out with someone who has context and has many of the same challenges.
With my children, I try to be just and as much as possible. I try to be accepting and open as well.

I adored my stepfather and his willingness to treat me “as a daughter” meant a great deal to me. Your kindness to your stepD is laudable.

#4

Thanks for this topic, @Thinkstet. It’s a good one, as these long holidays can often be triggers for our loved one as well as for us. Six years ago on Labor Day weekend, I was spending time apart from my husband on the other side of the country. He was with his family, detoxing and trying to get healthy. I didn’t know what I was going to come home to, but I knew I couldn’t stay in that house while he was using anymore.

It seems like every holiday, I have a memory of living in active addiction, feeling lost and alone and anxious. These days, I try not to let the memories bring me down but rather let them remind me how far we’ve come and how recovery is possible.

@beckycornell47 - I’m glad you’re able to talk things out with your siblings. You’re right, talking it out helps and we’re not meant to go through this pain alone. Hope you had a nice holiday weekend and were able to stay cool!