Are all addicts manipulative/narcissistic?

communication
#1

I don’t mean to sound disrespectful towards anyone, but I have been analyzing words and actions from my addict on and off boyfriend, he’s been manipulative and has characteristics of narcissism and I ask myself, is it the drugs or really him? He lies about anything or tells me partial truths, not only about getting high, and when I do find out the truth, he somehow turns it around and puts the blame on me… wth??

#2

My experience with loved ones and Friends who’ve had problems with addiction they have, in all cases, should narcissistic traits and definitely became aggressively manipulative. I’ve also seen these same addicts going to recovery and getting better and working on things, I’ve seen them pretty much lose those 2 undesirable traits almost overnight. I don’t think that it’s going to be something you’ll see happen until they in rehab/ recovery, but they do , in my experience, lose those two traits only seem to get reactivated when they “go back out”, which makes it really easy the next time to know if they have relapsed. I hope things turn out ok for y’all.

#4

Thanks, @Merideth816 - your insights make sense. I see this with my son. Honestly, I see this with most people who are grappling with compulsions and shame, substances aside. Ho hum- good old fashioned human condition. :peacock:

#3

Thank you for your response. Last summer he was in rehab and sober living but that didn’t seem to change so much. He was more deceiving plus blame-shifting then too. I don’t understand. Thank you again :blush:

#5

Hi @Letty14 - the lies, the manipulation, so horrible. It’s truly heartbreaking and I’m sorry you’re in this situation!

I wonder, did you know your boyfriend before he was using? That would be a good way to tell how the drugs have impacted his behaviors and personality. Either way though, drugs do make people lie and manipulate because when their brain is hijacked like that, they’ll do anything to get their next fix, even hurt the people they love.

I agree with @Merideth816 - Detox/rehab certainly makes a change for the better, as long as the person really wants it and is working toward sustainable recovery. It’s awesome that your bf has made that step. Even if you were unable to see a change, hopefully it made some impact on him - however small - and is still a step toward lasting recovery. It’s a long road, and different for everyone.

I hope you’re able to take care of yourself through it all!

#6

Hi. I known him since 1989… We were friends, small neighborhood were everyone knew each other and mostly everything, but I was young, I didn’t know that then. I realized it when I was in my 20s, we were in our own relationships, we became like best friends but he hid it well. We fell in love in 2015, when we were both single, I still didn’t know his addiction like I do now.
I used to think it was something he did once in a blue moon, and I thought it was cocaine. Turns out to be everything after living together for 7 years… His main one snorting heroin, then I found out he’s been doing it since his early 20s… That was the 80s, now it’s 2023. I never knew. It’s really heartbreaking.