My partner went into treatment 2.5 years ago, he has remained sober and happy until just before Christmas. He came to my home drunk after dropping in a bottle of gin to the neighbour who is an old man who is also an alcoholic. He offered him a drink and he spent the next couple of hours drinking with him. He drove to my house drunk and thought that he was sober enough that I wouldn’t notice. He said he doesn’t know why he did it but feels that he needs to prove to himself he is not an alcoholic. I dodnt get angry but told him how this has destroyed my trust in him again. A week later he did the same thing except this time he was by himself in his house. We had a discussion and I asked him how I could support him and thst he could get back on track with some help. He agreed and asked if he could call me if he was tempted to stop in the shop and buy vodka. I said of course he could if thst would help, he said it would. Two weeks have gone by and he last night again went drinking and drove to my house, he was drunk but not twisted drunk still coherent and sable to hold a conversation. He arrived in with non alcoholic beer lmao. The irony of it. I asked him wht he was drinking he didn’t deny it and said he didn’t know why, then said he hasn’t gone in a bender so it oroves to him he can control it. He then admitted he didn’t tell Mr because he thought he could pull off being sober. He clearly has no awareness that he is drunk if he thinks he is OK. My hasn’t is broken as he is the best guy I have ever met and our relationship is amazing apart from this . I told him after treatment that I did not want a relationship with him if any alcohol is involved. What hurts the most is he is willing to throw away everything to prove to himself thst he can drink without it turning into a bender. Sorry for long post but I’m really struggling. I know I need to end the relationship if I am to have any sort of secure future but I have never met anyone who is such a perfect match for me on every level
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The best you can do is set boundaries with him. Consequences are what helps addicts get into recovery. Boundaries are what keeps you safe. Boundaries are more for you and you’re safety. Don’t let him fool you. He relapsed. My boyfriend would say the same things “I don’t know why I drank” or " I drank because of this and this" but there’s no use to asking why they drank if they are not going to do anything about it. What helped him get sober two years ago?
Thanks for that, two years ago he almost killed himself with drink, he said he want to obliterate himself, I ended the relationship before that as I couldn’t support him anymore as it was affecting all aspects of my life. He crashed his car and was taen to the police station. I told him I would support him as a friend. He went into rehab and had been doing great up until this. He came last night and apologised again and said he was going to do something about ot, unfortunately I heard all this before. The bottom line is he can’t accept he is an alcoholic and cannot drink ever again, he think he can get the better of it . He said last night he knows je can’t but I’ve also heard that before. It’s like he has to push me to the wire where I’m going to end the relationship before he takes action but I can’t keep living like that, he has consciously decided to drink this time, it wasn’t in the middle of benders as it was previously. He hasn’t gone on a bender so he thinks that’s ok. He doesn’t understand that the agreement was I dont want to be in a relationship with him if alcohol is involved. He made a decision for himself by himself about what he wanted, which really tells me that our future isn’t as important as I thought it was, we were supposed to be buying a house this year, but there’s no way I’m going ahead with that now. He is amazing when this doesn’t come into our lives which is the only reason I agreed to get back together with him after treatment. But I feel now that I have started to resemt him which is not good
Yep totally agree.He has had Rock bottom enough times.To want to change. Iv been there done that ( heaps ) But untill they want a life without alcahol. And a decent normal loving life where Trust And Loyalty. Is paramount.in there.brain. Then you are just gonna be thete collateral damage.of there wrong decisions… ( every time.) Just think about you now. And your life.and how wonderful. Your future.and . Can be. Good luck. Move forward dnt look back. They dnt change.( I know.from my own experience. ) four years in a relationship. With alcaholic. He almost brought me to mg knees .in every way. Iv turned that chapter now. Moved forward…hoe u r OK. Xx and live n blessings to you. I know its hard to walk away. .especially when.they are such a nice person outside of alcahol. But unfortunately that niceness.does not last. When they continually choose / there choice .Alcahol. Over a good ,stable coherent. Life with.there partners,. Wife’s, families… Thats his choice to live like that. Not yours. Good luck. Xxx.
Thank you so much. I continued for two more months which were great because he was focused. I ended it for good 6 weeks ago as we had a disagreement about something and he went straight to alcohol. I’m taking care of myself now first, I will try and support him if I can as a friend but I actually feel relieved now its over
Hi @Lisha, I’m sorry to hear that your loved one was unable to make the changes needed to keep your relationship going. I’m glad that you have been able to make the necessary changes in your own life, though. It sounds like it was a difficult relationship, and it takes a lot of strength and courage to move on from that. Sending you love.
Wow, this sounds exactly like my husband! Every little problem is an excuse to drink and he thinks he can control it and hide it as well. So sad! Unfortunately I don’t believe that an alcoholic can drink in moderation and because alcohol is legal, available and accepted everywhere it’s one of the toughest addictions to fight in my opinion!