Do you feel your past contributed to your loved one's addiction?

#1

For many years of my children’s life they have seen me drink and at times get drunk. I truly regret this & wish so much I could go back and change things but I can’t. And they often remind me of this. I feel like my lifestyle helped contribute to their addictions, but they have seen the destruction it caused in my life and I tell them, no I’m not saying I’m better than you, I just don’t want you to go through what I’ve had to go through and worse.

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#2

Thanks for sharing @Shine. We can’t go back only forward :slight_smile:

I know in my husband’s case he has childhood memories of pouring his parents drinks when they came home from work. One brother gave their mother a foot rub, one gave a shoulder rub and the other poured a gin and tonic. Their father was a whiskey distributor. Their drinking behaviors are certainly more on the excessive side.

I know the parents have taken their son’s addiction struggles to heart and it’s been really hard for them to not feel blamed, even when the sons are not pointing fingers. I think it’s been a struggle for them to feel compassionate about the children’s addiction because it might mean their responsible.

In my husband’s case I prefer not to think about who’s at fault but rather focus on the present. It’s not always possible but that’s what I do to cope.

Sending <3

#3

I’m not a parent, nor am I totally sure when/how my dad’s struggle with addiction started, so it’s hard to know the contributing factors… and I wonder if any other parents have something to share or contribute here? Maybe @ELIZABETH, @Marybeth , or @Zanette?

#4

I do not care for the word enable-however it does define what I did in many ways. I have a daughter who has an addictive personality and struggled for many years with alcohol and drugs.

She is a single parent so I tried to make everything as easy as possible. I paid her rent, purchased groceries-school supplies-if a car payment might be late I helped. We worked together for about 5 years in my business and she was doing very well just never has enough money.

I wanted to make everything easy for her and this fed her addictive personality with zero coping skills and zero ability to grind life out when things get tough. My Mother’s passing was too much for her 3 years ago and thus she began using crystal meth.

Happy to say she has been sober since August 9th!