The Newcomer's Welcome: What brings you to Village?

welcome
newcomer
#8

Great to have you here @jmechevaria we look forward to hearing more of your wisdom here :slight_smile:

#9

I’m here because of my brother, who was diagnosed with ADHD since he was a child. He had been taking various medications prescribed by his doctors over 14 years now, and he is still on medication for ADHD. Seeing him grow up, he’s experienced many of the negative side effects-- depression, anxiety, alcoholism and lack of sleep. His lifestyle and habits are quite poor and he has lost a sense of his identity. He’s become so dependent on the medication that it’s difficult for him to be fully present without it. Because of this, he is not very good at managing his emotions. I feel he is actually emotionally underdeveloped and experiences things in very extreme ways, never knowing what will trigger him and put him in panic mode (contributing to his anxiety). I really want to help him out and be there for him but I get very frustrated with him when we try to communicate. He’s in therapy and very aware of his condition. He wants to improve his lifestyle and be off the medication completely but it feels like it will be a very long journey to full recovery.

#102

Bless you!!! There are not enough people willing to give help anymore.

#10

Hi everyone, I am here because my older son has a drug problem. He has been in & out of jail, and just a few months ago got out of prison. He was doing so well but his when his drug test came back diluted, he had to do weekend jail time. He panicked and gave the excuse that they were going to put him in jail for 6 months. I am not there to really know what is going on, since I live out of state. His father has been enabling him, then helping him. ( lawyer fees, etc.) I have been scared, stressed, etc. the entire time this has been going on. Sometimes I blame myself for not being there, even though it was his choice to start using them. He knows how I feel about drugs since I have never used them. He just turned 23. He needs my help and I am willing to move out there to do what I can to help him.

#13

Thanks for joining us here @hersheydoxxen though it’s such a hard journey, I love to hear your support for your son. I think we can all relate to this feeling of care and willingness to do what it takes. It sounds like you have a wealth of experience here that you can share with our community.

#35

Hey @hersheydoxxen - You might find this post interesting. Would love to know how you are since you posted? Any updates?

#230

Hi…thank you for sharing and I am experiencing same with my son 29 yrs old now back in jail for multiple parole violations. I have finally and firmly told him that he cannot return home. It is up to him. This is a short 60 days and he only had 2 weeks before house arrest after a full time rehab. I told him I am sorry and I let him down by not holding our agreements and he cannot come home. While he tried to change my mind, I held tight this time and told him again that I have thought this through and my answer is not going to change. He is 30 days in minimal and he calls me a few times a week checking in and wanting a few dollars for commissary. He is planning for release with his case manager. It is up to him, he needs to do for himself to realize he is able and capable to succeed in managing his life. It is a struggle to watch especially for your child (as they always will be your child). Hang in and follow your heart.

#11

Hi everyone, I am here to connect and learn how to help myself to be able to help my fiance continue with the good fight. Hes over 6 months sober and the past still haunts us at times. We have been together for three years now and I have learned alot. Maybe I can help and br inspired by others, or help others to. Karmen

#240

So terrifying… I’m so sorry you’re gong thru this. Alcoholism is disease. It shreds families and tears apart ones sense of self until nothing is left. It is progressive. And there is a solution.

Can you see if there are Alanon meetings in your area?
Do you feel strong enough to draw the line and say that you will help him so long as he’s willing to get help?? The help can be in the form of attending mandatory ala-teen/ Aa meetings. Rehabs. Outpatients. Outpatient therapy are amazing as they don’t disrupt the lives of school and work as much. But there is a still access to the drugs.

Hate to say, but perhaps a little time in detention center may be just what he needs to bring him to his knees and accept the help??

Self care. Self care. Self care for you.
You are unfortunately powerless over the addict. And you are correct… the enabling will do more harm to the addict than anything else

God bless :pray:t2:

#12

Thanks for joining us here @Alldayswife :slight_smile: I’m in the same boat with a husband in recovery, it’s tough but we’re getting there!

#15

I’m new to this platform - I’m still learning the ropes - but I’m no stranger to addiction, recovery, and codependency. I’ve married 2 addicts - the first I left, the second I was ready to when he chose treatment. He’s got almost 7 years clean now. I knew I wanted to help other women ‘find themselves’ when he got to be about 3 years clean and I was still a miserable B****.

So I did MY WORK. I’d done alanon and celebrate recovery and they were incredibly helpful, as was traditional psychotherapy. But something was missing. Long story short I met a woman who was a life coach, and fast forward today - and I’m a life coach :slight_smile:

For the last 2 years I’ve had a block around the word “coach”. In my head (you know the B%^$# that lives up there - mine is named Negative Nelly) - I could hear “You’re really only good at f-ing things up… And beating the shit out of yourself for it”

I felt as if a coach is someone who knows about the game (sports reference) and can help others adjust their technique and plays to be a winner. Since most of the time I feel like I’m winging it - I’ve had a really hard time embracing “Coach” as a title. It was an awesome fit when I was the self-proclaimed #coachforwivesofaddicts and focused strictly on those in relationships where addiction was part of the hubby’s journey. But let’s be real - when the one you love is in active addiction, it can be brutal to work on YOU.

I told Nelly to cut the shit. Because even IF it was true that I’m good a F-ing things up. And beating the sh!t out of myself for it. I’M MADE TO LIFT OTHERS and remind them NOT to beat themselves up. To remind them of the truth.

So- I am a accountability and support partner. Why partner? Because I’m committed to the journey WITH you. Not as a leader, but as a kind of guide. I can see things from another perspective. Ask you to dig deeper and ponder the hard questions. I’m a neutral third party who only has your growth and success as a goal.

Together, we can shift the trajectory of your life.

I look forward to getting to know you all, and contributing to the healing of your wounds. <3

#16

I’m new to the group my son has struggled for 6 yrs currently in treatment for the 6th time ( relapse… while not encouraged… should however be expected) I’ve learned a lot I want to help others who struggle and their families

#17

It’s hard for us who do not have the brain dis-ease that our loved ones have.
We only have our perspective from how our brain works and our common sense, morals, ethics and values that have not been Hyjacked

It’s hard, really hard but… that’s why all us strangers are here right? We are desperate for help, support, answers.

Please understand that the person you know so well, love, have grown with over the years has had their brain invaded which in turn does not allow them to make good decisions for themselves. While we can not recover for them we can however educate ourselves so we do not get tricked by the drugs that have taken over our loved ones brains. It is our responsibility to show compassion, love and support in an effort to get our loved ones to “choose” to recover. However, should they not choose to since their brains are severely hyjacked by the drugs, please know this does not give them the ability to make good decisions for their own well-being or the well-being of anyone around them. This is when we must take action by forcing them into treatment for the safety of themselves and any living person that may come in contact with them.

Please try to remember that when a human brain is hyjacked by drugs this is not your loved one you are battling this is the drug that has invaded their brains ( for whatever reason ) and their only hope to escape is for someone who loves and cares deeply about them to invest the time, energy and yes maybe some money to get them the help they need. I wish we lived in a different time where we had more resources to help us but also know, while not fast enough…progress is being made little by little but in the mean time please continue to educate yourself as much as possible in order to find resources to help your loved one and support for you as you go on this journey to helping by being an instrument to help bring about peace in our world.

#18

Welcome @Lesley_Cooney, so glad to have you here! Learning about substance use and and taking that knowledge and experience to help others is extremely helpful and powerful! :smile:

#20

Welcome to Village Q&A, @a.vigilryan @Pause_2_Balance @aquestioningsoul!

If you need a hand navigating the platform, feel free to send me a message. I’d be happy to show you around!

We are so glad you’re here.

#22

Extending a warm Wednesday Welcome to @Gina1 and @stayhopeful244! When you feel comfortable, we’d love for you to introduce yourself and share what brings you to this community?

If you need a hand to navigate the platform, feel free to send me a message. I’d be happy to show you around! We are so glad you’re here.

#95

Thank you very much I am trying to understand How It works around here

#23

Not sure how to write on here yet. I’m here because my boyfriend is a alcoholic plus he is bi-polar and has ptsd he is a veteran and I want to help him not to drink but I let him stay with me and I let him drink at my house because I saw him passed out in a parking lot I wanted him to be safe and his drinking has gotten worse

#96

Totally @Lucimara - it takes a minute to familiarize yourself with the platform! I made this little ‘get started’ tutorial about how to post, answer, and comment which hopefully might help a little!

#24

Thanks for joining us @Tooshort0430 you are among friends who get it here. And you’re doing it right :slight_smile: simply post a new question to start a conversation about something going on in your current situation that you want suppport around or to hear other’s experiences on and read others questions to contribute your support and experiences that can be helpful to others to hear. We are not alone in this battle and this is the place to share openly and know we’ll get it.