Do you think your loved one is afraid of getting help?

treatment
mental-health
#1

What do you think is keeping your loved one from getting the help they need? What fears do you think might be holding them back? Have they ever communicated this to you?

Curious to know how much we understand what might be deterring change.

#2

The actual fear of having to change and quit I think is the problem they actually think being an active user is helping solve things in life when actually is getting worse then ever

#3

Yes, agreed that fear of change can be a major barrier to treatment. I think it’s a big fear for many people, whether they have an addiction or not.

How are you doing today, @Seeking? Glad to see you here. :slightly_smiling_face:

#14

Absolutely this. My husband has had a lot of injuries throughout his life. So his body hurts daily. One of the main things he says is without the opiates his body will hurt so bad. Ik that’s one of the main reasons he doesn’t want to get help.

#4

I’m not too bad actually thank you been really trying to show up for myself lately which is always on the backburner I’m feeling a tad better but still have a long journey ahead

#5

I think he is afraid to face what the alcohol is distracting and numbing him from feeling.

#6

Thanks for sharing here @SaraCorn. Definitely agree that drug and alcohol use is kind of this numbing tool. I feel like many people are taught that negative feelings are all bad, and that feeling them means we’re doing something wrong. I know I grew up thinking I was just supposed to be happy all the time. Now I understand that the goal isn’t to be happy. It’s to be able to accept our feelings and also let them go - to not let them define us.

I hope your loved one is able to find the tools to practice those skills of acceptance and letting go. How are you doing today?

#7

I honestly don’t think my son wants to stop yet and that he is afraid of withdrawal.

#8

For my daughter, she has always had issue with facing her fears. Her perception of something she fears is similar to “an elephant in the room”. For her, fight or flight kicks in. She cannot get past the enormous beast she must face. So she runs dodges or hides. And in this case she shoots up to avoid the stress and forget about what is causing her fear.

Recently when out to town she slipped into the bathroom of a pizza shop to use. When I noticed her “nodding” in my car and realized what had happened, I asked her why would you do that? Risk her life and think I would not notice. She could barely hold her eyes open and said “I love the high! It’s so good.” During the days just before that occurred she dodged probation and was stalling from entering rehab. That was what I believe she feared. That and the effects of withdrawing.

For me I realized how much the drug has control over her and has predominant power over her will to stop or not, For her, during those times she has been in withdrawal her fears are the “broken bone” pain she experiences, restlessness of her body, insomnia and other side effects caused from cessation.

#9

What my husband says is that “using/drinking helps him break out of his shell”. He also thinks he is a better person (?!) high/drunk and that it helps his depression and anxiety and that it’s his only way of being happy.
Well those are all his excuses for drug and alcohol abuse. I think it’s the fear of dealing with all the underlying issues and the need to numb the feelings. He simply doesn’t know any coping mechanism to deal with stress, sadness, frustration and all the negative things in his life.

#13

My husband used drugs and drank for so long - he started in his teens, as many of our loved ones have. And I think so much of his socializing has leaned so heavily on drugs and alcohol that once he got clean, he didn’t know how to socialize without it. Watching him at social gatherings now is so different from when we first met. And I can see that it’s hard for him to socialize now.

So I can see why your husband might say or think he “needs” it to be happy or social. If he started young like my husband, he may not know any other way. Do the two of you ever hang out without drugs or alcohol involved? Is he able to “break out of his shell” with you without substances? Might be a first step in giving him more confidence to be himself, sober.

#10

@ Hana Do you think any of it has to do with his childhood ect.

#12

Great question! I do think it has a lot to do with childhood. Not to mention that this disease runs in his family - his dad was an alcoholic and died after a car accident (drunk driving), one brother died from an OD and second brother struggling with alcoholism as well.

#11

Yes, fear is a big factor. The fear of what’s going to happen and mainly the pain associated with withdrawals.