Drinking yourself?

alcohol
recovery
#1

How does everyone feel about having a drink around their addict?

#4

So far, I have refrained altogether from drinking around my mom. Because I don’t live with or very near her (several hours away), I feel that I want to privilege any time we get to spend together and abstain completely. This might not be the right choice for everyone, but for me it makes sense.

#9

My husband sadly passed away from his addiction to alcohol. Before he passed I tried both drinking around him (to see if it would help him to drink more socially around me and friends) and I tried abstaining in front of him (to see if that way of living would help him reduce). In my personal experience I can honestly say that whether I did or did not drink made no different to the amount he drank.

#2

I find that I am more careful with my drinking behaviors around my husband when I know he’s overusing alcohol - he goes through waves of using it as a coping device more than other times. Seems I can tell when it’s a crutch vs a ‘take-it-or-leave-it’. And it definitely causes conflict between us as I’m always watching for it.

How that plays out for me - avoiding drinking when he’s not. I am definitely conscious of his usage habits and kick myself if I order a drink when he wasn’t going to and then he decides to. I do try to set a good example, having a drink on a festive occasion and limiting the amount I drink.

#3

I am respectful of others and limit exposure. My son is a musician and as a musician, their world is being exposed to alcohol. While he does say it is okay to drink in front of him, I try to limit.

#5

I think this really depends on the person and how long and secure they are in recovery. I have been with people who are ten plus years sober and they seem so comfortable with me having a drink, I am conscious of it but I would always ask first.

With people who are still at high vulnerability or recently sober and could fall off at any point I think it’s much riskier to do it, and in a way it could be seen as a bit selfish. I think totally abstaining is a good strategy for most cases.

#6

It’s my spouse who is not in recovery nor will admit he has a problem. Most of the time I will not drink with him but if we have friends over I will have a drink or 2. I’m usually very careful how much I drink or do not drink at all. But sometimes I enjoy it and if he feels that he doesn’t have a problem… it’s just hard.

#8

@Beth I think I know what this can be like - agree it can be pretty frustrating and tricky to deal with when the person is not acknowledging the problem. Drinking is so accepted in society that it’s hard not to want to take part in the group activity even when we wish our loved ones wouldn’t.

#7

All I can say is my thoughts. I don’t drink out of respect for the alcoholic. Do people really have to drink so badly that they can’t respect and love the addict to not to drink. This is selfish. It is rude and upsets me