We met online through a dating app 10/28/2022. He said he self medicated with Ibuprofen for a leg injury and was an occasional smoker. He got fired from his shitty job, and kept trying to move in. I told him I had issue with the daily drinking, hiding of vodka bottles, his pack a day smoking, and that I’d take if for as long as I could and then it’d be over. He got another shitty job, promised to be a 2 drink a night a drinker and I moved him in and he’s never had 2 drinks since, but a 5th of vodka or more a day all throughout the day and night. He drives a company truck for work or any car, having had drinks and with a roadie or buys vodka and starts drinking in the car. Sometimes he takes a nap on company time and also does side jobs and pockets the money using company inventory. All of which is terrifying and unethical. He is also at the tail end of a very contentious divorce with a jilted ex. Their MSC with a pro tem was on 07/08/24. He extended a gracious offer to avoid displacing his sons and his ex never responded, fast forward to October, my landlord is selling the condo I rent in six months and although I make 6 figures and have a side hustle I can’t afford $2k on my own and financially depend on him until my next raise and the payback of the $35K I lent him with his BS promise to pay back the money Feb 24’ when his divorce was settled. February came and went and I found out that no one had been paying for his attorney for over a year and his attorney quit. In an effort to protect my $35K investment. I hired another attorney for him, affording him half of the $1.4m home. He just gave his ex another 90 days to pay, accommodating her and shitting on me in the process (triggering, making me feel like an after thought or the second choice, trauma from my childhood) because I now have to wait and its affected my credit worthiness and ability to buy a house in Texas because I cannot afford to live in CA anymore. I’ve stopped walking ,gained weight, become hostile in communications with him and my family (riddled with dysfunction - developmental trauma) and have been violent with him. I’ve never been this person before and I don’t like or recognize myself. Now I’m ambivalent, engaging with my dysfunctional family too much (which makes me crazy) and totally neglecting myself and unable to have empathy and compassion not only for myself but anyone in my family that I’ve talked with, and especially him. I’m struggling to regulate my emotions and I resent having to spend more money on him just to have a relationship with him or my mentally ill family members (this program would certainly benefit me there). Obviously I’m beyond pissed and indignant. I just want to tell him to shove the $35k up his drunk ass and get fucked and move on without him. It’s been 2 years of shitty shit shit and I can pick up and move anywhere because I’m 100 remote. I’m not married to him, have no kids, it’s been two terrible years and I’m worse off with him. The fucked up flip side of this is, I can kick him to the curb, but because of my developmental trauma, I more than likely will find another man with issues like my caretakers (what a fucking joke, they hurt me worse than any boyfriend ever could) and I’d have to start all over again sorting out my bag of shit and relating issues with someone else. Honestly, inner peace wherever you are, I’d like to meet you finally! Thank you for letting me vent and share my shit.
