Have you disconnected from a friend struggling with substances because being friends with them became too hard?

alcohol
#1

I’m at a loss with what to do with a friend who is really struggling with alcoholism but won’t make any changes. It’s been so painful to watch. Has anyone else gotten to the point where they just didn’t know how to maintain the friendship anymore?

#2

My situation is a bit different, a friend / colleague of mine has gone quiet lately and because I’m not a close friend I don’t know how to reach out beyond a text message and asking a closer friend to get involved.

#3

The only thing you can do is share how it’s hurting you, and detach. They will not change until they are ready. And unfortunately, some people are never ready. It’s very sad and painful to watch. It sounds like you may benefit from establishing some boundaries around the relationship to keep YOU safe and sane regardless of your friends’ choices.

#4

Just a few thoughts:

  1. We have to look after ourselves to be of any use to anyone else, so it’s important we take time and measures needed to be healthy and happy first.

  2. Connection is the opposite of addiction. Your friendship matters. You don’t have to give more than you feel ok giving, but staying in touch can really help.

  3. Consider looping in other friends and family to help. You’re likely not the only one who cares about this person and you don’t need to hold the weight yourself.

  4. This person is likely dealing with pain themselves. They don’t want to be a bad friend. Substance addiction affects their behavior and is really hard to change, it can make people feel defeated and ashamed about their lack of control.

  5. Motivation to change changes over time. It helps if people come to the conclusion on their own that they’re ‘ready’ but readiness can come and go. We can help our friends see that now might be the time to be ready, and we can help them take small actions to feel better. Recovery doesn’t happen overnight, but opening up windows of joy and love and empathy can help on the path.

#5

Absolutely agree it’s important to take an honest look at how their struggles impact us as a way to assess whether or not we can be helpful. Sometimes the only thing that can be done is take a step back from the situation, but it could be helpful @Jer to speak to anyone in your friend’s support network that may be able to help encourage your friend while you step back. Maybe another friend or family member?