He’s been sober for over 2 months—is it too good to be true?

recovery
#1

I’m just needing a bit of reassurance today… my hubby is nearly 70 days sober after a very very hard start to 2020, and everything seems different this time around. He’s never been sober for this long, and my gut is telling me he’s in it for the long haul. Our relationship has never been better, our lines of communication have been open and completely honest, and our kids can even sense that everything is more peaceful.

There is still this nagging voice inside telling me that this is all too good to be true, and that I should have my guard up for when he drinks again, but I know that’s no way to live. I know logically that even if he does relapse, all this hard work won’t be for nothing, but the fear is still there.

Welcoming any and all success stories and encouragement here to help me stay in this optimistic headspace!!

#2

Oh @Blondie, I know exactly how this feels. I lived in such a state of fear that my husband would slip after he came home from treatment (well to be honest, the worrying started while he was in treatment) and I found that it was keeping me from enjoying the present moment when he actually was sober. A friend asked me what I would lose if I enjoyed the time with him if he were to relapse in a week, month, or year, and it helped me to understand that these days are all that matter and if a slip does occur, it won’t be any less upsetting if I’m “prepared” for it and it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. Being present is something I constantly struggle with, but my husband has been sober for 10 months and it would have been miserable had I been worrying this whole time. Of course, the thoughts still pop up and I stop and ask myself what I know to be true- he’s going to meetings, is present, reading books- actively working on recovery and we are both learning every day. HIs friend reminded us last week that relapse doesn’t have to be a part of recovery and that is true and even if it is, it doesn’t take away this time.
This is our work, right? Taking care of ourselves so that we are able to manage our fears and still being willing to move forward. It’s not easy, but it, like recovery is possible. Sending hugs!

#4

Yay for 100 sober days! I’m so glad that you’re finding peace and enjoying this time :slight_smile:

#3

@Tlee22 Thank you thank you so much for this response. <3

Today, hubby is celebrating 100 days sober and I have come back to look at your message almost every day since you wrote it! It is a good reminder to be present and enjoy the good things when they’re happening, because you’re so right–expecting the worst will not make relapse any easier!!

I love this, and try to remember that too–and also to remind myself that relapse has been a part of his recovery story so far… and that could be the end of it for us!

Thank you again, send love from a home with 100+ days of peace. :slight_smile: