My daughter was living with me, but she moved out when I questioned her about where she was, who she was with and what she was doing. My daughter is 32 and has totaled 5 cars in the span of two years, she’s lost the best paying job she’s ever had and had worked so hard to get. Her 5-year-old son (my grandson) lives with me because she moved into another school district. I worry everyday about her life, and I don’t understand why she would put her life at risk when she witnessed me performing CPR on her father who died from a drug overdose when she was 13. This is impacting her son, in a way she does not even comprehend, or even care. She pushes the blame on others and deflects questions and acts offended that I’m question her about her drug use. How can I get her to understand she needs help and how can I convince her to get help? I’ve filled the paperwork out to apply for custody of my grandson, I think this will sever whatever relationship we have now. What do I do if this happens?
How can I get my daughter to understand she needs help?
Hi @Harley18, welcome to the We The Village community. You’ve been through a lot and you’re carrying a lot. I hope you are able to find some relief, hope, and light in this space.
I wish there were an easy answer for this - an instruction manual or guidebook for loving and supporting someone with SUD. Whatever will convince her to get help is within her. As someone who loves her, you can show her empathy, compassion, and kindness. You can show her, through your actions and words and behaviors, that recovery is possible and worth it, and that she is worth it.
Showing up here is a great first step. Reaching out for support for yourself and taking care of yourself. I’m glad that you are able to care for your grandson. You can only show up as your best self for those you love if you show up for yourself with love, too. During these next 12 weeks with @PeerGroup7, I hope you will continue taking step forward by looking inward.
I’m dealing with the same thing. I’m so sorry.
My daughter has been in so much pain that the self-medication feels like such a relief. She cannot see how to deal with her pain without them. It’s difficult to know what to do and not to. I’m currently telling my daughter that I cannot support her harming herself because I love her so deeply. And asking that she begin therapy if she wishes to live with me. I know she does. Her advantage is that she has always clung to me in difficult times. So I do not think she will want to move out. But if she does potentially that will help her hit bottom. But for me seeking greater support in positive constructive numbers for my daughter’s sake seems to make sense to me.
I can only do what I can see to do.
I am in a very similar situation. I’ve got my goddaughter. We can’t force them to get help. Honestly for a bunch of them this is help. Just not the good kind. Not the kind that helps us get through what we’re feeling. It makes them numb.
You and I can only do so much for them before we start taking from the kids. I refuse to take from my kid. We did that once, and when my best friend left my kiddo self harmed. I am also thinking of filing for custody. My relationship with my friend can handle her being mad at me for doing what’s best for the kid. My relationship with the kid is the most important. What’s best for her.
I just wanna hug you. You’re doing great.
I hope your grandchild will be motivation for her. Often when its difficult for us to care about ourselves, we may be motivated by the love and concern for someone else. I don’t know how I would awaken my daughter if my situation was yours. Perhaps her seeing him is good so she understands the ramifications for his life.