How can I help my adult son with his Aud?

question

#1

How can I help my auldt son who in my opinion has AUD problem. He was in a half house for 6 months until the start of the epdemic, we made the decision to bring him home as Firstly we could not afford the fees anymore and secondly to try and bring him into our small business. His drinking has been real problem, he does not think so though but it is really effecting our business and my relationship with my husband who is his stepfather ( his biological father has not been in his life at all) he is always drunk on the weekend showing up to work drunk and abusing the staff. Just this weekend we got a letter froma client he showed up at a function we organized for our client drunk and caused trouble , this behaviour is regular now everytime we have a function I do not know what to do ', do I show him the letter
I know he will deny everything and blame us, by saying that we don’t appreciate him, we don’t pay him a proper salary,but how can i pay him more than the staff that do not have such behavioral issues. I am looking to find out what and how I can help him as well as the family. We don’t have the option of rehab at the moment because of financial difficulties. Does anyone have advise


#2

Hi Kim,

I think it is important to remember that we all have choices. You can choose whether or not to keep him employed at your business, invite him to work functions, etc. Though it may seem like you are doing him a favor by employing him, it’s possible that the disease is being enabled by doing so. He thinks he can get away with more by being employed by his parents. Sometimes we have to step out from our position of holding the alcoholic/addict up above water, and let them learn to swim on their own. This is often one of the best ways to help them seek recovery - by letting go. Furthermore, since he is an adult, please know that you are no longer financially responsible for him. Alcoholics/addicted are master manipulators and can make us as their loved ones think we are responsible for them or that their failures are our fault, but we are ultimately not the ones that make their decisions for them. I hope this helps. Thank you for reaching out for help. You are not alone.


#3

Hi @KVJ - thanks for sharing here. It’s a tough situation to be in when he’s your son and also your employee. I think it’s helpful that you’re able to give him a job, but maybe set some boundaries if he wants to keep the job. These would be the same boundaries put into place for all employees - not showing up to work drunk, not going to work functions drunk, behaving professionally with clients, etc. Clearly communicate these boundaries and explain why you’re putting them in place.

Yes, boundaries typically make other people angry. But they also help you take care of yourself. His anger and his blaming is something he needs to take care of on his own.

What do you think about that? And how are you doing today?