How do I deal with 2 drug addicted sons?

self-care
support
#1

I have 2 grown children who both struggle with addiction and it has worn me down…I tried everything I could think of to get them into rehab but nothing I did worked

#2

I have a son and daughter, six years apart, both started in their mid teens so I’ve been dealing with it for a long time. The oldest is almost 32 and the other almost 26. Both have relapsed several times, so even if one was clean and doing well I had the other to be concerned with. It’s been a long time coming but both are clean and sober now. It had to be their choice. Nothing I said or did stopped them. I prayed daily for them and believed they could and would one day. I dealt with co-dependency, an angry spouse, fed up siblings, etc. but I grew through it too. I grew in patience and understanding and really learned the importance of self care. Self pity and guilt did me no good. Looking at the positives.

#3

I agree with @amy.j.bol - put aside the guilt and self-pity and live your life as fully as possible. You can’t control their use, but you can keep a relationship with them and hold a space for them to recover when they are ready. Compassion and self-compassion cover a multitude of problems.

#4

My husband and his brother both have struggled with addiction - we’ve had some pretty rough years through the depths of it all.

What we found helpful was coming together as a family. We started a weekly call. Not every one would join every time, but it helped open up space for us all to talk about how everyone was doing and to come together around our care for each other and our current concerns and to collaborate on and make action plans. We had a counselor on this call and if you’re interested in trying something like this, there’s a Village coach @erica who would be available to join you or speak 1:1 to see what makes most sense.

One other idea is to think of how to help encourage small positive steps with your children. Remember that change happens over time and that small improvements can add up to a lot! What are activities you might do together that you all enjoy that don’t involve substance use?

Opening space to enjoy life together can help.

Also, remember you’ve got to put on your oxygen mask first (aka your self care is important) you can’t help anyone when you’re depleted so give yourself permission to put yourself first for a bit. Know that it helps your children too. Seeing you happy is positive for them too <3

#5

@Emily I am absolutely available to chat with you if you’d like, just send me a message by clicking on my profile - like @polly said, it can be helpful to have someone outside the family to talk through the situation with.

I understand that feeling of being worn down, and with 2 grown children you’ve probably been dealing with this for a long time. Prolonged concern makes it really difficult to attend to your own needs, so I’ll echo everyone else and say self-care! Taking care of yourself and feeling better is the best way to start to manage the situation from a clearer viewpoint.

Sometimes, the goal doesn’t have to be getting them into rehab. If you can think of managing your situation by shifting the goals to be smaller and attainable you may see more positive movement from both of them. For example, work on yourself to model the importance of self-care, and also model the positive outcomes of taking care of yourself. Then maybe think of finding something you can do together that will remind them that they can enjoy life without substances. All of these small steps can encourage them to want to live healthier lives, enhance their motivation to change, and maybe even ultimately get them to go to rehab or work with professionals!

So, here’s my big question:
What are some areas of your life you think you should work on improving (health, wellness, exercise, hobbies, social)? Pick one and start today!