How do I get past the resentment? He would rather drink behind my back and lie to my face than help his family. We are losing our house because didn’t choose to help out. I was in a car accident and now can not work retail due to my injuries. I was laid off in October (from FT job) and he tells me I need to find a PT job. He tells me where to apply. I am so sick of him right now with his bright ideas. We have a toddler and are caring for my mom. I need him to step up.
How do I get past resentment?
katie
#2
Hey @Elle. Thanks for sharing your honest question here!
I’m wondering if any answers on this post might be helpful to you?!
Village Coach @erica also hosted a really helpful digital workshop about how to have conversations that actually work. You can still access it on demand here. It’s about 60 minutes - and free of charge, of course!
Let me know what you think! 
Catavila
#3
It’s hard to do, I’m there with you. I try hard to hate the disease. I ask my higher power to help me daily. My son is an addict, I’m raising his children. I had to change my life style. I love the kids and want the best for them. I would never send them any where else. Since the state took the kids, I’m overwhelmed with appointments, meetings, etc.
dbfbilly1
#4
@Elle I am so sorry you are going through this. Resentment for me is a hard one to get over and it can take quite a while for me to move past the point of letting it go. This is harder when someone has to live in the same household too. I have learned there is a grief cycle not only for the deceased, but for the living. You have your hands full. Concentrate on taking care of you, your child and your mother. I also want to listen to the digital workshop that @katie mentioned and sounds like the workshop will be of great benefit. Good luck!
polly
#6
Oh my goodness this is a hard one. I’ve felt it strongly in the past with much more conviction but even now I feel it when he spends on booze vs things we really truly need. Resentment for me eroded over time. But like I said I still feel it sometimes.
I guess if it helps, know that he is not well when he’s in active addiction and it really comes from a place of pain, disconnection and compulsion. Even if he is not able to verbally articulate it right now. It’s not a true state of pleasure.
Addiction is such a selfish condition. And unfortunately money and other stresses don’t help it!
Are there people in your life who could step up their support of you right now? And perhaps separate people that might be able to step up support of him?
Sending <3 self-care and strength to you!