Reviving this topic as I think there are some folks in @PeerGroup5 @PeerGroup6 and @PeerGroup7 that might find it helpful!
How do I handle the relationship between adult addicted child and husband, his dad, who is not very forgiving? Or do I stay out of the middle?
Thinkstet
#27
It’s never easy to navigate the parenting style and the step-parenting style is even more difficult. @PeerGroup5 @PeerGroup6 and @PeerGroup7 I’m sure you are in agreement- everyone with kids knows it’s easiest if there’s only 1 voice. Sometimes the parents are united and they work together to help. Sometimes the father is gruff and the mom is a pushover. Sometimes there is a step parent who steps out of the conversation because it’s like a no-win if the other “real” parent is still in the picture.
Just like our lovely friends with substance use issues- there are a million flavors. What works for me is to have everyone… me, my ex, and my partner talk directly with my son if they have something to say- and not go through me. It works out better that way. I had to tell all the grown men to make their own beds and quit relying on me to have the relationship with my son. It is ok, but never ideal.
How else?
Deanna1
#28
@Raking this is tough indeed. In my situation, I have two adult children that struggle with addiction. My husband (their father) and I are similiar to you and yours from the sounds of it. I suspect it’s fairly common for the parents to approach actions differently - I guess it’s good to have a balance right?!? Ha! My reactions are softer than my husband’s. I think of the emotions and the heart stuff, while he’s focused on results and actions. My “kids” are both active in addiction and know how to manipulate the heck out of me… I know this. I read these forums alot and take it all in. I also attend a weekly support group and what I hear from others there is so valuable to me. It helps me to try to stay in my lane and not get pulled into being part of the problem.
I love what @ErinHill said and I remind myself often that my honey and I need to be united in our approach, especially when dealing with this situation, and always in front of our kids.
@polly I agree. And sometimes I also think the tougher side of things is good for my kids at times.