How do we own our piece of the story - when it's grounded in...my loved one's struggle with addiction?

communication
#1

My life was changed through loving someone through addiction. Now I struggle with the idea of what is ‘my story’ and what is ‘his story’. When I share how much I care about him and his journey I get that ‘codependent’ look from others. I then feel shamed for caring.

I believe this has to change because the opposite of addiction is connection. We are needed in these journeys and they become our own in some way too. But how do you own your piece of it? And what do you do when you get those judgements on your codependency?

This is something I am still trying to figure out.

#2

Polly - that’s a great question!! Anything that is YOUR point of view is your story. It can be difficult to untangle who’s is who’s but one sure way is to think about who you’re talking about. If your sentences start with “him” or some version of that, work on shifting it.

It can be a fine line between caring and codependency. Using “I statements” can help you own your piece.

When you feel someone is being judgey, there’s a few things you can do - firstly see if you can tell if it’s their stuff (i.e. “I wouldn’t have done it like that”) or yours (“They think I’m crazy for doing it like that”). If you can determine that it is theirs - let it go! And perhaps make a plan to connect with others about it vs them. If it’s yours, dig deeper and see why you feel they are judging, and how you can implement some type of pattern interrupt.

Hope that helps! <3

erin

PS I LOVE what you said about the opposite of addiction is connection - it’s SO TRUE! For us too - because we became addicted to them and the drama (((hugs)))

#3

My son’s problems have brought me to a journey of so much self-healing and identifying family patterns of trauma and addiction. Maybe it could be said that the whole human condition is codependent! Some people are really into using these special words, so let them. I have a different perspective.

#4

Thanks for this perspective @Julie_Smith - I love this “Maybe it could be said that the whole human condition is codependent!”