How do you discuss relapse with adult son when he has one?

relapse
communication
#1

Unsure of how to help relapsed son talk about it and feel ready to try again.

#2

I’ve found when my husband has relapsed that it’s best to 1. ask when he’s ready to talk about it (this might take a week) and be patient until he is ready, 2. tell him I’m proud of how he’s handled himself when I’ve seen progress since other relapses / past behaviors, 3. when we do have the chance to talk about it, get curious about why he thinks it happened? What contributed in the lead up to it? For example, when my husband last relapsed it was a really stressful time in our relationship and life / work stability - so empathizing with the situational pressure was very comforting to him. 4. Ask how I can support him moving forward and brainstorm some ideas together.

Also, I’ve found over time with my husband that when things get wobbly that getting out of the city for a weekend can be really helpful to regain stability / a grounded feeling. This might be a welcome reprieve for your son too.

What do you think about the above ideas? Are these things you’ve tried or think might be workable in your relationship with your son?

#4

Thank you @polly, yes I have tried some of what you said, the being patient and acknowledging how he has improved from past, excellent advice. I just like to have the reinforcement : )
We were able to talk, and I am learning that just LISTENING goes a long way. Unlearning trying to fix is also a big help in allowing him to share. Another friend with similar problem said her daughter told her “I just want you to feel what I am feeling, not fix it”

#5

Totally know what you mean - I have to constantly remind myself to listen!!! I want to jump five steps forward because it seems ‘straightforward’ to me. But listening can really unlock new paths forward :slight_smile: <3

It’s all about practicing so yes, reinforcement for us as well as our loved ones is key!!! Please keep sharing your journey with us. We’re all going through it!

#7

@polly, I am so grateful I have tears in my eyes. The support is more than I could hope for, thank you. Depression is hitting him now, he fears his girlfriend will not stay with him, but acknowledged he has to do his life with or without someone. It is so very hard. I must remember the help from WeTheVillage to keep myself in check with my husband ;). To remember we ARE on the same team.
He was so very good during the relapse and helped get him home…but now it seems he is being resentful which really harms our son. Thank you everyone, it helps to share. When I get stronger I will help right back at you all, I know it!

Rae