My adult son who now lives back at home, keeps relapsing - drug of choice is alcohol- and says he wants to get better. He quit going to smart and has started adding us as his trigger. We have suggested and offered to finance a residential program but we all have a different timeline for this. I think ‘now’ and his father thinks ‘when he’s ready’ and he thinks ‘maybe I will do this on my own’. He has been to a short term detox twice. I am worried he is worse now than a year and a half ago when he lost control. What do we do? He is an adult.
How do you get someone to rehab and how do you know if it’s the right one?
Hi @Mcc - I’m so sorry to hear your son is having difficulty. It’s also great to hear that he wants to get better. While rehab is often an important first step, it isn’t the only solution. My husband went to rehab when I pretty much gave him an ultimatum, and he relapsed months later. He refused to go back and was determined to recover his own way. He was able to detox on his own. There have been slips since then, but he’s continued to get back up. He doesn’t go to AA or a 12-step program, and he uses medications to help with cravings. He does go to individual therapy and couples therapy with me, and I go to Al-Anon meetings and have other methods of self care. We talk about recovery and mental health and feelings and fears and progress A LOT. All this to say… there are other ways besides just rehab. Maybe you can talk to your son about what he would like his recovery to look like? What activities does he enjoy that do not involve alcohol, and how can you help support that lifestyle? Healthy, positive communication is key. Here is an article that might help you invite change.
I’m glad you found this space and I hope you’re able to find some peace. Take care of yourself and please know that recovery is possible! 
Mcc
#3
Thanks for your thoughtful answer. My husband and i have been going to SMART for family and friends and I think we have learned a lot about realistic expectations and ourselves! I like what you said about asking him what his recovery looks like. He started drinking to self medicate after a trauma sent him into ptsd and a big part of his substance dependence is linked to his fear and shame. I will see if there is more paths to recovery that we haven’t tried yet. Thank you.