How do you know if your loved one is telling you the truth?



One thing we all deal with when facing a loved one struggling with addiction is the mistruths and lying. What are the signs you look out for to know if your loved on is telling the truth or not?


I try to avoid situations where I have to rely on what my loved one tells me - I know that’s not always possible. He lives independently. In the past, circumstances have told us how he is doing (such as car accidents or losing a job). I try to keep communication open without judgement.


In my experience if they are doing anything out of the ordinary for them it’s reasonable to have suspicions, and the more you know the person who is in recovery, the more you’ll be able to tell when they’re acting “off”.

Open honest communication, reinforcing how much he is loved, being supportive and empathetic, and checking in on him regularly have helped me be able to tell if he’s being honest or not. This allowed him to know he can trust me and be honest with me. It has taken years of both of us working on communication through trial and error (and therapy for me!) but I can say today, I don’t know the last time he lied to me. He’s been honest with losing jobs, feeling depressed and withdrawn, not completing educational courses, etc… There’s hope!


This is the $10,000,000 ??? in my eyes. Honestly, at least for me - you don’t - you’re always suspicious and when you do believe them and find out yet again they lied you get angry at yourself for letting yourself believe once again. I don’t know maybe after they are in recovery and truly have hit rock bottom and stay in a program, the truth starts to show.


It is so hard to trust them when they have lied so much to you. My husband says he wants to be honest. He has just lied so much that it just comes way to natural. One thing I’ve learned…addicts lie. So I am just suspicious of everything. Until they can prove they are being honest, you can’t believe them. My husband put a tracker on his phone so I can see where he is. I also pay attention to lots of things. It also depends on whether or not they want to change.


I was going to ask the same question and saw you posted this too. This is always something I wonder. I like what @erica said about the steps she takes to teach her addicted loved one to be honest. My boyfriend always lied but recently, he has been more honest with me about his slips/relapses. Sometimes it takes a little bit of prying and he will tell me instead of holding back so much. But it’s really hard not to wonder if he tells me “the truth” in order to manipulate me. I just try my best to support him and let him know I love him and see how things play out. Anytime he has been honest with me, I have never acted out of anger. I just say thank you for being honest with me.