How do you make sure that your loved one doesn't use again?

relapse
support
#1

Hes in prison and still using.

#2

It can be very common as a family member or loved one supporting someone in recovery to feel a sense of responsibility to do everything possible to stop them from using again. Through my own personal experience as well as working in the field I have found that ultimately I cannot control whether someone uses again. It is their recovery, and unless we keep them in an isolated room that we have 24/7 surveillance on, there is no way to make sure they don’t use again. What we, as family members and loved ones can do is make sure we are engaging in self-care, and provide a supportive and empathetic environment, free of judgement.

These are things we can do to be supportive once our loved ones have engaged in recovery:

  • Encourage them to continue to engage in recovery (therapy, psychiatry, group counseling, AA), and offer to attend these appointments with them if they are nervous
  • Let them know how proud you are of how far they’ve come, and that you notice the positive changes (as a way to encourage and reinforce continued recovery bound behavior)
  • Actively listen to what their triggers for relapse are and do what you can to remove them from the living environment, avoid going to triggering places with them, and be mindful of interactions and communication that could be triggering
  • If they do use again, try your best to not let anger and frustration get the best of you, and encourage them to get back into their recovery program as soon as possible

Unfortunately, since he’s in prison and still using there’s really not much you can do because he is not in a treatment environment conducive to recovery. It’s a tough reality that drugs are accessible in prison. If anyone else on this site has experienced coping with their loved one continuing to use while in prison, please feel free to provide some insight on your experience! If you know when he’s getting out of prison it may be a good idea to try and prepare to get him into formal treatment once he’s out.

What is your experience with a loved one using while in prison?
#3

I think that the level of anxiety I felt about my son’s drug use in the past was not helpful to him, and only gave him more reason to hide his problems from me. I have made a lot of progress in detaching with love. For instance, he wanted to have lunch together today and we planned to do so a few days ago - but I leave it totally up to him if he chooses to follow through. I know it may be too difficult, for whatever reason. I didn’t hear from him, so just went home to eat with no hard feelings and no worries.

#4

I couldn’t believe when I found out that in prison substances were more accessible than outside of it :frowning: so tough. I’ve got more questions than answers for this one unfortunately. Does he talk to you about it? Does he have glimpses of motivation to change his substance use and are there currently negative consequences to the use? Does the prison have any resources to help?

#6

Yes he is very honest with me. I don’t judge him, i just love him. He tells me all the drugs he does in prison. He gets k2. I know that k2 is more dangerous than weed. He does dope. When he was at the trustee camp he was eating wild mushrooms. They make hooch which is alcohol. Yes he is doing alot of different drugs that he wouldn’t do out here. Yes he wants to quit but he gets discouraged in prison. Not much to do in there. Another thing is peer pressure in prison is really bad. He doesn’t want to stand out. They might think hes a nark. Im sure that they have resources. But the peer pressure is bad. This is his 4th time in prison. When he gets out if he screws up again it will be habitual and he gets 25 to life. The last 3 times he went to prison was because of his drug use. I hope that has answered all of your questions. Dawn

#7

Thanks for sharing @Dawn_Walker this situation is so not easy but for all those reasons you shared it makes sense why he’s using - hang in there. I’m sure he appreciates all you do and how much you care for him. I wonder if anyone else in this community is in the same situation? If not today (since we are small right now and just getting started building Village) there certainly will be. Know that you are not alone and that we’re here with you.

#5

Unfortunately you can’t, you can be supportive but in the big picture - we can’t cure it, it will never be cured. They, themselves have to deeply want it or else it won’t work long-term.

#11

I think it’s wonderful you have such open communication with him - I’m sure that counts for a lot to him.

#8

You can’t. He has to want to stay clean himself

#9

Keep positively reinforcing the behaviours you want to see (even just verbally) and not reacting to the ones you don’t condone. Reinforcing the fact that you love him and see limitless potential, strength and goodness in him sets the seeds for him to see himself that way too.

Simply talking about his motivations to not use - in an exploratory way - can also reinforce for him his own opinions about not wanting to use and help him build his own convictions to stay strong against using. That plus building up his belief in his own strength and resolve to resist are conversational techniques you can use today!

#10

Is it possible to find an ally in there that is in both of your court? Someone you can rely on to help and support with empathy for your loved one when you’re not around?

#12

Coming from my perspective - on the other side of the fence, as I am the “user” - I can tell you that those who have judged me, complained about me, expressed serious concern and the like, are the first family members and friends that I avoid. I need to make the decision to quit my addiction (they can’t do it for me or make me quit) and until then, they drive me away. I’d rather go out to dinner alone and enjoy a glass of wine than go out with my mother who would have a fit and make a scene if I ordered a glass of wine. The result is, I don’t go out to dinner with my mother - I go alone so I can feed my habit. The habit, sadly, drives me.

#13

I agree with @polly. What a victory that you share so openly with each other.

Any update since July, @Dawn_Walker ?