How to gauge where your loved one is at in terms of relapse?



If you could ask your loved any questions to help them gauge where they are at in terms of the stages of relapse, those being emotional, mental or even physical relapse, what would those questions be? Or is there anything else you think would help have an awareness of it that they could self check everyday?


@erica will have more to add!

But just quickly, she’s left us some little handouts that can be good - just fill out in a non-confrontational / stressful time and pop it in the wallet so it’s on hand (maybe we need a digital version!) when needed.

See pics below:


At this point (3 years post-rehab) I’m not so concerned about a full-blown relapse (deep into cocaine) there was one slip up a couple weeks back but it wasn’t a deathly spiral like it had been back when things were really bad.

But I do get busy, and don’t give my husband enough attention, and that and my stress does affect him. And last night he told me he’s glad we’re getting away for thanksgiving because he’s nearing a breaking point.

I’ve come to realize that my husband really does well with mini-breaks from the city. Getting out into the countryside and getting fun and relaxed and grounding time. Making sure we build these in before things boil over is key for us.

Regarding his drinking, which doesn’t help. It’s not too bad but he can’t really help himself get started sometimes, particularly in social gatherings, and when he does start he doesn’t have that filter to stop. I hate making a scene but last night at dinner I did cut in and tell the waitress and him that he didn’t need another beer. #awkward.


I like the idea of being able to let them fill it out in their own time. Talking about those same questions can be hard, I know my fiance has trouble with it still to this day. Being able to do it on your own, you’ll probably feel more free to be honest with yourself about it.


This can be tricky since we’re not inside out loved one’s minds. But like @Jane mentioned with the images, make sure your loved one is keeping up with their recovery by checking in to see if they are practicing something called TAMERS every day in a non-confrontational compassionate way.

  • Think about recovery, Talk about recovery
  • Act on recovery, connect with others
  • Meditate and Minimize stress
  • Exercise and Eat well
  • Relax
  • Sleep

If you see your loved one drifting from any of the above it may be a sign they may need a little extra encouragement!


This is awesome! Love me a good acronym… and any new tool to add to my belt. :hammer_and_wrench: Thanks @erica!