How to help brother in law?



My partner is a recovering alcoholic (3months sober) and his younger brother is struggling very badly right now. He’s going down a very self destructive path with drinking a lot of hard liquor everyday and mixing it with diazepam. He has heart problems and has been an alcoholic for about 10 years. He kicked his long term girlfriend out of their apartment (she’s not a drinker but was a huge enabler) he hasn’t worked for over a year and will be going on assistance soon because he hasn’t been able to hold a job for very long while his struggles are so hard to navigate.
Seeing him self destruct and become so mentally and physically sick is worrisome and heartbreaking because I’ve seen my partner go through the same thing. Now that my partner is sober, I’m very concerned for his sobriety during this time. They used to party together a lot and drink together a lot, so now seeing my partner in a healthy space and watching my BIL go through this is just a devastating flashback to the rough times with my partner. BIL is very stubborn and unwilling to talk his issues out and is very unwilling to seek rehab or detox, even though he really needs medical help. We don’t want to have an intervention because from experience, we know they aren’t always effective. We are trying to be there for him in any way we can, but he’s pushing the good away and isolating himself. We love him and want him to seek the help he needs and deserves to be happy and healthy.
Love and light.


Thanks for sharing @OKM90 addiction can be so isolating. Keep trying to stay connected even when there’s no response, simple loving messages that show you are there and care for him regardless of what he’s up to. There’s so much shame associated it can mean the world to them to know we don’t lose hope, even when they might be :heart:

I know how this can feel because my husband struggled with addiction and so did his brother and at times we’ve had to distance from the brother because it’s so hard for my husband. Connection really does help though so when we’re strong enough we do our best.

Our Group Course includes training on positive reinforcement and the role we can play in influencing positive behaviors. I think you’ll find it useful given what you’ve shared above. Love you to join us for it, you can check it out HERE.

It can really help to know the tools available to us to play a healthy role in their recovery and get out of a constant worried state, so I’m super glad to share them with you.