I love this group. I learn so much just by looking at others’ posts. My question is, I have always been the type of person who put everyone before myself. I already struggle with self care. + Adding new info, I was actually going to delete this post, so glad half of it got on here, I loved the answers I was given. Thank You. I have a 34 yr. Old son that is an addict to everything. The main one being heroin , which I have dealt with for the last 12 yrs. This Son is one of identical triplets, which I already lost one of them in infancy. This Son that is the addict is the same way His Dad was. I dealt alot with addicts in my lifetime but never expected this one. I did everything, in the beginning from a to Z and do realize I cannot make him do anything. He follows me wherever I go. In 30 days I am moving in with my other Son in Florida where my new grandbaby is, so He has 30 days to figure it out. In the meantime and for the last 12 years I have never felt happy. My Sons addictions depress me so badly That I get nothing done. I can see what Everyone is saying about taking care of yourself. I feel for everyone who struggles with an addict. Its hell.
How to take better care of myself while having a son with addictions?
Thanks so much for sharing @mary I remember I called a therapist to try to get them to help / speak with my husband and after hearing me out she said, I think you need help. It took me a while to believe her 
A couple thought exercises I’ve found useful to help me think about and remember to look after myself are:
- It’s a long journey through recovery (eg. 2.5 yrs and my husband’s recovery is still evolving). Incremental changes add up to big change but take time.
We need to be able to make it through this so our self care is important, looking after yourself means you’ll be able to last the distance.
- The next is, our loved ones with addiction believe life is hard and harsh (their using is an escape). When we don’t take care of ourselves, we reinforce that negative world view instead of showing them it can be light and fun and full of joy and that life without substances is easier.
The more we experience joy, the more they see that it is possible and it can fuel their motivation to change.
I remember when my husband told me that my effectiveness at work and getting up early and going to the gym was very inspiring to him. Doesn’t mean he gets up early and goes to the gym. But it reinforces to him that one can get up and get out into life and feel good. Maybe one day he’ll join me
I can really relate to your post. For me, the basics are what have to be nonnegotiable- enough sleep, decent nutrition, some exercise and some fun activities to unwind. I also have to step away if my loved one’s addiction is out of control and he refuses help.
What would you want for your loved one to fully enjoy life? That’s what you should have in your own life, too.
These are great non negotiable’s @Julie_Smith! Hopefully this helps @mary
What would your non negotiable’s be? For me one thing that has been really helpful is celebrating the small victories (if I get enough sleep, I’ll maybe treat myself to coffee outside) that I achieve in my own self-care journey. This helps US and also helps model healthy ways of taking care of ourselves for our loved ones!
Another thought … sometimes it’s hard to give ourselves permission to be happy if a loved one is suffering. Give yourself permission to find those moments of joy as @polly has mentioned.