I stopped using this blog last October. Everything became overwhelming in my life after my ex came back home, which I know it’s because he was kicked out of sober living house, I still don’t know why he was. I tried to be there for him but I was going backwards all over again with the lies he was telling, his lapse became a relapse because he’s been getting high every week, sometimes every other day sometimes every day. I found my health in danger after the 2 months I gained with finding myself, and health was a little better. He won’t stop, he doesn’t want help, today I had to Narcan him, we were sitting next to each other watching a movie and about 15 minutes into the movie I looked to my right and he was just leaning there, caught me by surprise, I had no idea, it was a horrible experience. I sent him to his brothers. I just can’t deal with it anymore. I just lost someone to heroin that meant the world to me on November, it’s been hard. Someone please tell me what to do. I don’t want this kind of life anymore 
I can’t possibly believe that this is it with a relationship. I want to let him go and close that chapter in my life in order to live and feel life again.
I have been MIA here since last October
@Letty14 Thank goodness you were there with him and had Narcan on hand to help him! I’m sorry you’ve had a rough few months. When things get crazy like this, it can often help to take it slowly. Thinking about everything can get so overwhelming and almost impossible to handle. I can’t tell you want to do, but I can ask you - What’s one small thing you can do for yourself right now? What’s the next best step for you in this moment? It could be as simple as going for a walk, or taking the day off work tomorrow, or writing down your thoughts. Something that can help you clear your head. Take it one day, one moment, one step at a time.
Thank you. Sorry for responding so late. Have been trying to get myself together through everything that is going on. It’s really been like a rollercoaster ride. I’m trying to find things to do to keep my mind on a positive and healthy way but because he’s back I really can’t, I’m always worried about him and what he’s doing, I don’t want to feel like this. I usually work at home so I can get some relaxation if I want to, I just don’t know how anymore. In one week 3 people who I knew off passed away from overdose, just last week. Today I went through his phone because I just wanted to, and seen pictures of drugs in his hand, literally he took pictures holding it, I haven’t said anything yet. I don’t know how to approach him because he will say it was not his or it’s not drugs. SMH. I want my own space, but I know he will probably end up hurting himself if I ask for space again. I miss doing things I enjoy, it’s bad enough that I can’t barely leave seeing I hurt myself physically and waiting for doctors appointment for it. I make decorations for sale and parties but haven’t been able to because I can’t focus with all of this…
Hi @Letty14 thanks for sharing so openly with us here. You are certainly not alone in feeling the impact of loving someone through their struggle with addiction, and as you shared, you have been through and witnessed a lot.
We’re sending heaps of love and support to you through the internet from the Village community. It’s great to hear that you are reaching out for professional help for yourself and we definitely encourage you to do that!
Also, there are some useful helplines out there if you ever want some immediate support, I’d encourage you to reach out to a volunteer crisis counselor: https://www.crisistextline.org/ and also “988” is the three-digit, nationwide phone number to connect directly to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. By calling or texting 988, you’ll connect with mental health professionals with the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
Please take care of you, you deserve to thrive and need support too. Follow up with your doctor and keep those crisis lines on hand! <3