If I knew then what I know now?

#1

Throughout this journey as I share information, I find myself thinking “if I could have known”? Or realized because “hindsight is often 20/20”. I would like everyone to post a few sentences or bullet listing of things we have learned that we wished we could have known. This journey has a steep learning curve. So let’s create a resource list of those things that we feel might help someone who is not as far along in this journey. Please join me!

In hindsight I wish I had known:

If in doubt require a drug test. Use a lab with secure methods to ensure falsification does not occur. Don’t trust a urine sample that was given in privacy there are many ways to falsify or get invalid results.

#8

If I would’ve known then what I know now…

#1: It’s not JUST the addict that needs support and therapy. It’s important for me (mom) too.
#2: Don’t make empty threats. How many times did/do I say “if you do xyz, I will do xyz…” So many times I’d give a consequence and would not follow through.
#3: Meetings are just as important for us as them. Al anon, Nar anon… whatever we can find. It helps!

#9

Ugh those empty threats kept me living with my father even though he was stealing from me and making it to where my bills were over due and I was struggling. I’m very strong in my follow through now.

#2

In hindsight, I wish I had known:

That even a sober “recovered” person is not always telling the truth when they say it doesn’t bother them if you have wine or beer around them.

#4

Thanks for the insight @sammiesame.

I am deeply humbled and awestruck by the resilience that I see in recovering users. They are some of the bravest most determined people I’ve ever met. And the flip side. It’s very familiar to me, as well.

It sounds like you two can talk about things that are heavy, so that’s progress.

#3

I believe that is for both alcohol and drugs. I was surprised one day when my daughter mentioned that I should not have a bottle of vodka sitting out in plain sight. She said alcohol was a trigger for her and mentioned if she did drink she would be in violation of probation.

#5

Great question @sammiesame!

I wish I had known the importance of community.
I wish I had known that addiction cannot be cured with rehab, or MAT, or any one thing. That it’s a lifelong process that requires mind/body/soul connection.

#6

Yes I agree. Now that my daughter is in rehab I have had time without chaos. Which has given me time for counseling for myself. This group and my individual therapy has brought me to that same realization; there is no quick fix for someone with SUD. This will likely affect my daughter and our family longterm.

Therefore…
Today I pray for our strength to conquer this issue as a family and to continue positive progress together!…and so it is! Amen!

#7

That following my parental instincts wasn’t the best move when it comes to addiction.

and i wouldn’t get into this enabling role. easier to never start it, than to stop it