In recovery what kind of work has worked well for your loved one?

treatment
self-care
#1

Recovery takes a long time and missing expectations can be detrimental to our loved ones. I’m wondering what sort of timeline and work your loved one has gotten into and how it’s worked out? Work can really help with stability (money and schedule) as well as connection / relationships and purpose! Which can all be super beneficial to recovery. But does it ask too much sometimes?

#2

For my husband it’s been helpful to have part time work. And though he struggles with this perpetual feeling of not living up to his potential. He’s not ready to work extra / overtime hours right now. One day he might be. But I think it has to be ok if he doesn’t and we have to find ways to explore what really works for the individual - though it can be hard given societal pressures and finances!! :frowning:

#3

Important question @Jane. Work (as much as we love to hate it) gives us some sense of purpose. It’s so important.

This has been challenging for my dad. He’s near retirement age, but loves his work (30+ year very successful business owner) so much & has very few hobbies. That said, he’s “lost” the past few years to substance use & caring for my mom before she passed. Now, his mind is clearer (most of the time :smirk:) and he wants to work but the industry and his peers have moved on without him. I’m encouraging now that he find some part-time or volunteer work to give him some purpose & structure.

With no work, no hobbies, and few friends in his new town, he must be so lonely (like Akon).

#4

I agree with @katie, this is a great question. I think finding meaningful work can be a key to long-term growth for all of us. For my son, he actually really enjoys his physically demanding job working with produce (stocking) at a grocery store. I think the physical activity aspect is important.

I have read that a helpful way to process trauma (broadly defined - previous life events that were overwhelming at the time and tend to get embedded in bodily responses) - is to do something that integrates physical movement and mental effort, such as karate or tai chi or yoga.

I think my son’s having a job that requires him to think and move has been helpful to get him out of his stuck places and find more of a flow in the present moment, if that makes any sense.

I know what @polly means about the feeling of not living up to potential. My son was a math major (did not graduate college yet) and would like to be a computer programmer, but he has too many other issues right now keeping him busy. Honestly, I am very glad he has found work he enjoys that pays most of the bills! That is a big win right now.

#8

Ah @katie it’s so great he has skills and successes to draw upon but yes retirement is such a new time to face aside from any kind of substance use struggle. It would be great if there was a way he could still tap into that purpose / passion <3

#5

Makes total sense @Julie_Smith!

#6

Huge win for sure @Julie_Smith !! And can see the benefit of the physical side of it.

#7

I still believe people who struggle with addiction tend to be pretty magical souls so I’m not surprised to hear about your son’s high intellect @Julie_Smith - sounds like he’s right where he needs to be right now and that math may play a role later down the road <3

My husband has this huge pressure to be successful in business yet a yearning desire to be creative and perform - like comedy and with music. I try to respect his decisions which have put him back into business for now but I think I should remember to encourage avenues for that creative side because I know it makes him feel really alive and he is such a character!

#9

Just another POV - I think I expected too much of my husband when he quit using. He had things to do for his recovery (90 meetings in 90 days, intensive outpatient, stepwork, etc) and in hindsight I think I put too much pressure on him to do all the things he “Should” have been doing all along.

I’d encourage you to have an open discussion about what’s reasonable. Is there a balance you both can find? And just check in with yourself to see where the thoughts of wanting them to have a job, etc is coming from <3 hope that helps.

#11

@Julie_Smith my son finding meaningful work has been a bit of a hurdle. He has a job but doesn’t find it rewarding, I think it’s important that he finds meaning in what he does and have encouraged him to find ways to give back. And I also know what @polly and @Julie_Smith are talking about when they say not living up to fullest potential. My son is so smart it blows me away sometimes! We thought he would be a doctor but then all this other stuff came into play that had to be addressed in order for him to even think about getting a job. I’m happy he is working and has daily structure, but I see that sometimes is too much for him.

#10

I 100% agree on this. So that was early in recovery @ErinHill how about further into it? Love to hear more about your experience on this topic.

#14

@Jane It’s a sticky wicket for us. Addiction can have such a far reaching effect when it comes to employment and the like. There were consequences he had to deal with even after he got clean (jail, had work release), and he’s had a hard time getting a ‘real’ job because of background check flags (nothing violent or anything) and he was without a drivers license for a while due to DUIs.

I think it’s important for us to check our motives - I’ve found it SO easy to talk about what he ‘should’ do or ‘could’ do and it’s a really simple way for me to take the focus off of me and what I could/should be doing for my own recovery…

#13

My fiance has a couple jobs since I’ve known her. She always thrives when she’s working and making money, always noticeably happier. When things get stressful whether it be at work or at home, she starts to slip. Hee attendance will go, I’ll start to notice her showing signs of relapse. She recently quit a job she had a hotel because of stress there. While she wasn’t working, she got depressed and ended up using. Now though she just started a manager position and she’s already perked up, our communication is better. She’s back on track to recovery and excited to stay on it. So I agree with everyone about how doing something meaningful with work and having a schedule can invoke a feeling of purpose and help someone in recovery immensely.