Is it ever ok to 'test the waters' with alcohol if drug use is the primary addiction?

alcohol
#1

My friend has been doing really well. Sober for almost 6 months but he keeps saying he is open to drinking again once he has been 12 months sober as his addiction is ‘mostly’ related to drug use. I fear one thing will lead to another… how should I support him in this?

#2

In my experience, my loved one’s substance use (alcohol now) seems to be used as a coping mechanism in a variety of circumstances. It’s not nearly as destructive (as the cocaine addiction from a couple years ago) but it also doesn’t seem to be optimal (in my opinion!) A mechanism to numb something, or slow an overactive mind.

I think I can tell when he’s drinking for fun, which I prefer and feels very different to numbing (eg. on a Monday night to get a sound sleep). What’s kind of crazy is that there’s a clear need for something to help him calm down… I just don’t know what else could help that would work for him! I can’t do it for him. …With his aversion to sleep medication or meditation - covering both sides of the fence :wink:

What I know and don’t know:

  1. My loved one would never have overcome his addiction to cocaine if he had to agree to be substance free forever
  2. Relapse is 100% part of the recovery journey, and the sooner we can accept and believe this the better an ally we can be
  3. My loved one now drinks, and this has not led back to cocaine addiction, though I don’t always think the way he drinks is great
  4. I still don’t know how what the best substitute is for the role substances play for my loved one
  5. I am under no illusion that this current use could get out of control again, though I think there is a long slope to that end and I hope this time we’d catch it sooner.

They say no relationship after addiction is the same and that we should create new relationships together. It’s a learning process, there are no absolute truths, and the best way forward is to learn together, fall down and pick one another up again. Viewing things as experiments and non-stagnant and forever helps.

I hope some of this might help :slight_smile:

Maybe it is different for you all, but this has been my experience!

#3

This differs from person to person. An interesting thing I’ve seen in clinical practice is that when you tell someone they can never drink or drug ever again in their life, they have a hard time staying sober because the thought of “never again” can become so overwhelming, and we’re not fortune tellers so we can’t predict the future! On the flip side, when we send a message of exploring being abstinent from all drugs and alcohol for a specified amount of time (30/60/90 days, or the length of an IOP program), they are more likely to remain sober longer because they see it one day at a time, eliminating getting caught up in future thoughts.

My brother has been a substance user for as long as I can remember, if it wasn’t psychedelics it was marijuana, or cocaine, and eventually heroin. Since he’s been sober from heroin for 2 and half years he has had moments where he’ll drink or smoke marijuana, while also sharing he is drinking because of a celebration, or smoking marijuana in a social setting, however he shares that he doesn’t really enjoy either anymore. The key here is he shares about it!

Cross addiction is a real thing that happens in the brain, so if your loved one is thinking of testing the waters it may be a good idea to inform them about cross addiction. Using a different substance still acts on the pleasure reward circuit in the brain, and creates unnatural dopamine surges in the brain, which could possibly lead to a craving for more dopamine, more pleasure, and eventually reverting to using the initial drug of choice.

Some people who are in recovery from amphetamines (crystal methamphetamine or prescription ADD medication such as Adderall and Ritalin) are able to drink socially. One potential reason is that alcohol was never something they used to numb, cope with discomfort, or use in a negative way. They haven’t been conditioned to use alcohol in the same way they used amphetamines (to stay away, perform better in school/work, enhance sex). This is just one example, and shouldn’t be thought of as the “norm” for all amphetamine users, because a lot of them are abstinent from all substances!

At the end of the day, if they do decide to “test the waters”, encourage them to have open communication about it, speak to their therapist (if they have one) about potentially returning to drinking, and be mindful of why they choose to drink when they do. The awareness alone can help!

#4

So after the first rehab and 2 years of sobriety for alcohol & pills, my husband tried to only drink socially. We both were not convinced he could never do anything again. That kind of worked for a bit unti he started to hide his drinking because he did not want to disappoint me. The pills, well those went hand in hand with the drinking. Long story short, both escalated and he was probably at his worst. Calling the pill guy 30 times in an hour, depressed, hated himself & life. Rehab again & sober for over 1 year and we both know he can not touch pills or alcohol again. He is not in control, the demons are.

#5

This is not from experience but from asking professionals, and those who have been sober for many years, a similar question - is my son facing never drinking again, or can he hope to be a moderate drinker someday. Apparently there are people who do eventually manage this but they’re a relatively small percentage of people who try it. I think the answer is to not give a young alcoholic no hope, but to be clear that it won’t be for a long time, after their minds and bodies have settled into a more stable state.