My husband said he's thinking about taking a break from drinking - major win! How do you celebrate the wins and still keep chill and not go overboard?

recovery
alcohol
#1

My husband said he’s thinking about taking a break from drinking - major win - I’m ready to plan morning couples workouts :wink: but how do you celebrate the wins and still keep chill and not go overboard? haha :slight_smile: we all know there are ups and downs.

So, I’ve been sharing in here a bit how my husband has been drinking too much lately really! And not for fun. The kind of drinking that’s aimed at getting away from something.

And there have been serious moments of tension around this in the past couple weeks. He tends to drink more when life gets stressful and it really doesn’t help things (well for me, I guess it serves a purpose for him!)

He’s now feeling really motivated and things are falling into place so well for him it’s really exciting to see him want to stop the drinking to be more clear with his waking hours.

#2

I hope this doesn’t sound horrible to say, but I would put the celebration on hold. Him just saying he’s thinking about taking a break isn’t really a win. You said he’s drinking to run from something I think. Until he faces what is causing the drinking it won’t stop. Alcohol is a powerful drug. I watched my dad take himself down in just 2 yrs and he was the strongest smartest person I’ve ever known. But he wouldn’t really face the demons inside that were causing him to run. I wouldn’t act too excited or say too much right now. Maybe he’s trying to face his demons and it’s hard to do when you feel like you are going to let the one you love down. Just let him know you’re there if he needs you, no matter what his problems are. Be his safe place, but you can’t be his enabler. That never works. If you could try to suggest him going to talk to someone that could be a big help. Once an alcoholic gets to that point where they are drinkOmg from the time they get up until the time they go to sleep it’s almost impossible to get them to do anything you want them to. It becomes the “He’s got to want to help himself” situation. I’m not saying you don’t have a reason to be happy. I’m just saying instead of celebrating it would be best to see this as hopeful which is still a great thing. I will be hoping the best for both of you.

#4

Thanks @Christy_Talley his main drug of concern was cocaine a couple years ago. And more recently it’s become a regular few-too-many-beers or wine before bed. So luckily in this case it’s not drinking from morning to night. But still, this recovery road is a long and winding one :slight_smile:

#3

This is great news. I think you do have to celebrate each small ‘victory’ - even an acknowledgement that something wasn’t working, and a need for a change - that’s a major step forward.

I think any kind of celebration should maybe represent the type of activity you want to be fostering more of in him, and as a couple - for example the gym work out, maybe take him to a meditation or sign him up for some physical activity that you know he loves but hasn’t got around to organising for himself.

#5

Amazing progress! I think it’s great to celebrate small victories like completing the morning workouts! But be sure to pick a milestone that will be celebrated. What I mean specifically is there’s no need to celebrate him saying he’ll do the couples workouts, but do celebrate once you’ve completed however many workouts you plan per week (let’s say 3). Not only will you both feel accomplished getting in a good workout, but it will reinforce a behavior to look for more reasons to celebrate - this could help him find more ways to achieve small victories.

I love @graham’s idea

The big thing to keep in mind here is to keep the celebrations small and manageable, and maybe once you’ve been in the routine for 3 months (or however long you think would work for you) you can celebrate with a bigger celebration such as a couple’s massage, motivating you both to want to keep it up for another 3 months!