My son is drinking again after 8 years of sobriety. Due to 2 years of drinking again, has lost his job, and his wife and 7 year old daughter. He is now working sometimes on a house we bought together to fix up and sell. He lives there and I pay all the bills because he has no money and I do not want to lose the house I have invested a lot of money in. He drinks so much he is unable to function for days at a time.
My son is drinking again after 8 years of sobriety, what can I do?
erica
#2
Your son is lucky to have you as a support in his life, and there are certainly ways you can help. A major plus is that he has had 8 years of sobriety to call upon - this serves as evidence that he can get back into recovery again because he has done so before.
Considering the gravity of the negative consequences he has endured (lost job, wife, and daughter) one of the reasons he may be continuing to drink is to mask the shame and guilt he may be feeling. The best way to reduce shame is to talk about it, so it will be important for you to provide a safe space for the two of you to communicate that is an empathetic and judgement free zone.
When thinking about what you can do following his now 2 year return to substance use, try and come up with a list of what the alcohol does for him. We already know it has negatively impacted his personal life and ability to hold a job, and it can be really easy as a loved to focus on all the negative. But something that may help is thinking about the benefits he may find by drinking - for example, alcohol is known to alleviate stress/anxiety and help with social anxiety. Maybe he continues to drink to cope with the stress of all the losses he has endured (try to make a list). You can still be concerned for his health and all the losses, but by understanding why he returning to drinking at such an intense level also allows you to have more empathy for his actions, putting you in a good position for a conversation.
Regarding the comment about him drinking so much he is unable to function for days at a time - it sounds to me like he may need medical detox at this time to stop drinking with medical supervision. Depending on the duration and intensity of the alcohol use the withdrawal symptoms can be very dangerous, so if you get to the point of him wanting to stop, make sure it isn’t on his own.
Let me know if this is helpful, I also wonder how others have helped their loved ones get back into recovery following a relapse?