Ooh good question. I try not to think of it like that. I was (still legally) married to a functioning addict for 11 years. For the past five or so years I’ve been in love with an advanced stage alcoholic. Something about these patterns in my relationships tells me I need/needed to learn something. With my ex-husband it was self-worth and boundaries. I allowed way too many toxic things to happen. In the end, I too became toxic, unhappy, wasn’t always a top notch parent, fell in love with someone else, and partook in a lifestyle that wasn’t me. My relationship with current S/O has taught me about unconditional love, patience, setting boundaries, communication, self-care, and hope. But also, While all that was going on I completed my masters degree, bought a house, raised two children as best as could, saved money, grew in my career, and developed a ton of close friendships. In some ways, we are all built up of fragments of both success and failure. We are a product of our past trauma and pain. It’s our own job to heal that. I think the failures are messages to ourselves.
I probably didn’t answer your question. I guess In hindsight if I had had better boundaries in place, none of the stuff would have happened with my marriage or carried on as long as it did. Honestly, the person I am today would have never married him. But all of that happened. And a lot of good came from that too. Him and I are friends, we have two awesome kids, and I found out what real love is for me. And In my case, I’m happen to be in love with an alcoholic. And honestly I can’t regret any of it.
What about you?