Chapter 2: Why It’s Hard to Resist the Seduction
The ways we turn to Faux Self-Care
The three most common reasons we turn to Faux Self-Care:
- Escape
- Achievement
- Optimization
It’s a reasonable coping mechanism during times of overwhelm. As usual, it’s about our desire to control our lives and circumstances. I reckon when we’re living through this world with a person who has a substance use disorder, we also have adjacent stressors and a whole big bag of feelings….
In my case, until I realized I had very low-hedge boundaries with my children, I took on a lot of worry and catastrophe. I am a good schemer, idea sharing, puzzle solver. The author suggests that the faux self-care treats we give ourselves don’t really treat the basic underlying needs or are not sustainable over a long period of time. Ozempic? Spa Day Everyday?
Faux Self-Care for Escape
When you use Faux-Self-Care as a coping method to escape you don’t have to make any real-world decisions at all.
So we go to wellness retreats and spa days and they are simple and like a bubble. We all have decision fatigue. These structured places and activities frequently exist for us to pamper ourselves and put our needs in front of those who we usually care for , i.e., everyone in the world.
That is why I like it!
Faux Self-Care as Achievement
You might be using faux-Self Care as a measuring stick to track your performance if you engage in hyper intense yoga, Instagram posting, fitbit tracking, etc. This may be a performative defense against feelings of unworthiness. It might be, or it might be a concession to not being a drug addict/alcoholic. Maybe doing very highly data-capturable activities is your little -ism.
Faux Self-Care as Optimization
You might be using faux-self care services, like meal delivery, productivity trackers, and time management to make your time optimal and then you will have MORE time (to do more). Somehow, you might think you will become a more swell person, not just who you already are. Hmm.
QUESTION: Do the Drivers Identified in this chapter sound familiar to you?
I fluctuate among all three of these drivers. I think that is perfectly normal. However, the author is still saying that we’re measuring the wrong thing that will really bring us long term balance, satisfaction, whatever- but that’s in the Next chapter. She says" the system" is to blaim. I thought I was trying to have a nice bubble bath . Gee Whiz.
