My partner has done a fantastic job being clean of opioids the past nine months without having to go into residential treatment. I’m very proud of the progress that he’s made. However now he has started back working full time and is spending money on alcohol and smokes. It feels as though having shots of tequila every night is him replacing his addiction with something else. It’s frustrating and disheartening to see after all the work he has done and what we have both gone through emotionally. I honestly just feel as though I have no more fight in me, and lack the strength to stand by him. I understand that he will always struggle with having an addictive personality. But I’m getting to the point of being at my wits end. I’m feeling so much anger, part of him must know he just replacing substances and I’m hurt that he would risk doing this to himself again. I’m feeling so angry and hurt that I’m struggling to even spend time with him in the same room and he’s picking up on the anger. I have so much resentment it feels like, I hate to admit it, but thats where I’m at. I want nothing more then to see him succeed in life, and I can still picture us doing that together, but it’s just feeling unreachable. I’m finally at my breaking point.
Replacing the Substances & Moving on - what to do?
Hi Megan,
Has he worked a 12 step program with a sponsor? I ask this because the coping mechanisms provided within the maintenance steps of the 12 steps can often times sustain one’s sobriety, IF the acceptance and action steps have been performed thoroughly and correctly. You have every right to feel emotionally bankrupt and drained. Having said that, until he is ready for a lifelong commitment to sobriety and maintaining said sobriety, his addictive behavior manifestations will only continue to drain you and everyone around him that cares for him. I suffered from many cross-addictions over a span of 23 years. Until I actively worked with a sponsor and completed a 12 Step program followed by a rigorous daily maintenance regimen that I still uphold today, I was helpless and hopeless.
I know how you feel @Meagan_A. I am in the same exact boat. I don’t really have any advice to offer but I wanted you to know you are not alone.
Hi Megan,
My partner is an alcoholic. He was sober for 9 months. He simply stopped drinking. As he was not in any program and not receiving any healing he was a dry drunk. He became obsessed with his work. My gut was telling me the way he was working was unhealthy. Eventually the stress of work tipped him over the edge and he started drinking again. That was 2 years ago. He has since hit rock bottom and is now living on an addiction therapeutic community farm for a year. It is a wholistic program consisting of working daily on the farm, yoga, acupuncture, naturopathy, group therapy vitamins and natural diet. Over the year they learn the skills to manage pain and stress naturally. He has been there for a month. I feel so relieved and hopeful. It has been very difficult watching someone you love self destruct to a very low level. He tried to take his life last November. His failed attempt made him realise he does want to live. I am going to see him on the farm for the first time on Sunday. I can’t wait. He sounds so well.