September is Recovery Month - how can friends and family be the best allies to someone through recovery?

recovery
#1

Love to hear any tips, tricks and anything that’s worked well for you or anything you’d recommend to avoid, from your experience!

#2

Listen. There’s something going on with my husband I don’t understand, I have to listen to have a hope in hell of empathizing and being the best ally to him.

#3

Recovery takes way more time than you might think. Don’t move the goalposts (expectations) and celebrate the (small) wins.

#5

Support by rewarding positive behaviors or behaviors made that indicate steps towards positive change. Avoid supporting negative or unwanted behaviors. An example from my past: my son used to ask for money for pot, as a way to try and ‘control’ the situation I would give him money to get to his outpatient program which he wound up spending on pot. I wish I had arranged for transportation, either a bus pass or driver, and not handed him money.

#4

Hi @SAnne !

I have a similar intuition— when my dad suffered from alcoholism, celebrating the small wins often made the biggest difference to him. For my dad, being open and honest with my mother and three siblings about his daily experience with alcohol and the anxiety he felt was something he told us was very effective during the time he was undergoing treatment at AA. It can be hard to open up, and might cause some distress for some family members, especially if they have been emotionally hurt by the process, but paving the way for family acceptance in a way that celebrates small wins can really be one of the most effective parts of an individual’s treatment.

#6

Knowing and understanding that I can play a big role in my loved one’s recovery, as well as adding tips and tricks to my toolkit has helped me so much in being an ally. In the past I would scramble to help my brother, put my life on hold, not take care of myself, and tried to control everything I could. Ultimately - burn out ensued.

A few tips:

  • Practice patience and positivity – change happens over time.
  • Maintain connections with people who have positive and proactive outlooks.
  • Self-care is king.
  • Keep context: you and your loved one are not crazy or alone.
  • There are resources and options proven to help.

Change is possible: with time and support, our loved one’s can begin to heal.