Son left sober living

#1

My son was in sober living and left without a plan to maintain sobriety. He’s an adult and I want to let him know I feel confident he has the capability to figure things out. He’s not asking for financial support but for work, I’m glad he wants to work to earn instead of asking for a handout ( which he knows wouldn’t be forthcoming), but I’m concerned he will use the money he earns from me to get drugs. I know I can’t control that. He’s expressed that he doesn’t want me to volunteer suggestions or ideas.
if he wants help “he’ll ask for it”. He feels its best for me to let him live his life and text him once in a while. I feel it’s only right to respect this boundary. How do I let go?

#2

Ooof I don’t know if there’s an easy and direct answer to the question “How do I let go?” It’s very different for everyone and really, I think the real question is to ask yourself “What am I holding onto?” Usually it’s some kind of fear, anxiety, a “what if” that comes up that makes us behave in a certain way because we’re so afraid of the outcome otherwise. It takes a lot of time, and patience, and ups and downs and self reflection most of all.

I also wonder, what do you mean when you say “let go”? Because I think there’s this misconception that we’re supposed to “detach” from our loved ones when really, it’s connection that helps their recovery the most. So I think it’s totally possible for you to “let go” of certain behaviors or fears within yourself, “let go” of control over his behaviors, while still holding onto that connection. It sounds like he wants to hold on, too. Even if just via text, that’s still an open invitation to keep the conversation going. I’d definitely respect his boundary while still trying to maintain that texting relationship. You may even want to ask him to be more specific with his boundary, like, what kind of texts would be the most supportive to him? And hopefully, take steps toward connecting through face-to-face moments - maybe a lunch, or a walk, with no expectations of talking about recovery? What do you think?

It’s great to hear that your son has found recovery, and that he’s motivated to work and move forward!