Using my past against my helping him

communication
recovery
#1

I have had a long history with addiction to opioids. Now I’m clean for 7 yrs now. When I try to get my brother to get help for his new addiction he always starts with " you use to…" How do I get away from that, or do I?.

#2

I have had a long history with addiction to opioids. Now I’m clean for 7 yrs now. When I try to get my brother to get help for his new addiction he always starts with " you use to…" How do I get away from that, or do I?.

#3

Hi @Jeanbug,
Wow, congrats on 7 years clean! That’s amazing. Recovery is possible. :heartpulse::sparkles:

That’s frustrating to hear that your brother is using your past to make excuses for his addiction. But the past is the past. Have you tried steering his focus on the present, and how you live your life now? Maybe saying something like, “Yes, I used to do abc. But now I do xyz and it helped me in so many ways.”

Do you have any practices that have helped you with your recovery? Can you invite your brother to join you in some of these?

Or maybe even set a boundary around conversations surrounding your past. “I no longer focus on my past and will not have conversations about them with you. I’m focusing only on the present and am happy to talk to you about recovery and solutions.”

What do you think about those ideas, @Jeanbug?

#4

Great ideas! Thanks @momentsandlight! I especially like the calmness framed around both of these conversations. I reckon it’ll take some practice to get there. @Jeanbug Seven Years-- nice to hear. Keep going.

#5

Thank you for the suggestions. I have changed my methods of communication with my loved one. I did say about exactly what you suggested. Yes I was an addict, and even you ,my brother, wanted nothing to do with me. But now when you need help you call me. I’ve got more these days than I should, a vehicle, a motorhome I live in, money in the bank, but most of all I am allowed to watch my grandkids now. I keep my word, I do what I say, or try to, lol. So now we are working together! He has been going to N.A./ A.A. meetings with me and I think he’s open to rehab, and I can pay for that. Recovery gave me a life, he sees that now. One day at a time for us, but I’m making headway, thank God. I do appreciate any and all advice, suggestions or just love. Thanks

#6

That’s the best, simplest way to be. What a great truth.
Thanks, @Jeanbug!