Weekly Chat - September 19, 2022

wins
newcomer
worries

#1

What’s on your mind this week? This is our new weekly thread where you can share your wins and worries as the loved one of someone struggling with addiction. You’re not alone.

We’ll also welcome our newcomers here! @Lara @Seeking @Philly215 @michaeldomandtom - Please let us know where you’re typing from and how this Community can best support you. :two_hearts:


#2

I’ll go first!

Win: I’m excited to be the Community Moderator here. My husband is in recovery, and for a long time I felt very alone, confused, and stuck. I discovered the more I reached out to others and helped myself, the better I was able to communicate with and support my husband through active addiction, treatment, relapse, and recovery.

Worry: This time of year is always very busy and stressful for my family, and a season that has triggered slips and relapses in the past. Just trying to remind myself how far we’ve come, and that positive outcomes are just as likely to happen as negative ones.


#3

Welcome to the newcomers! Glad you’ve found this space. :slight_smile:

I had to travel last week for work, leaving my husband and my son alone. This brought up a lot of old feelings for me, as I’ve had to travel for work while my husband was in active addiction in the past. He’s no longer using, but the old feelings and fears and memories still came up. In the past, I would take those feelings as truth and kind of let them take over. The difference now is that I can recognize the feelings and know that they’re just temporary. I knew they would pass. And everything turned out fine! They were completely fine. A big win after a very familiar worry.


#4

I’m here to find some answers and to get more insight in dealing with my husband that has relapsed


#5

My husband just slipped after being out of town for a week. He came home from the airport impaired and my son picked up on it right away. He denies it but it was obvious. He is mad at me for even asking if he slipped so my worry is how the next few days are going to go here. I’m going to try and dig up compassion for him but it’s difficult when he’s not being kind to me.

My win is that I did a good job while he was gone not worrying about what he was doing as far as drinking. I just focused on my kids and we had a great week.


#9

Glad you are here @Seeking. I hope you’ve found this community helpful. :two_hearts:


#7

Oh gosh, so sorry to hear this @horton75. Good for you for letting go of worries while he was out and enjoying the time with your kids. It’s so hard when they slip because it’s not only a slip back into using, but also the lies and denial that come along with it. I’ve felt guilty asking my husband if he’s using again because I get worried he’ll be mad that I asked. Sometimes I try to reframe the question by asking how his recovery is going, or even just reminding him that I won’t be upset if he does slip. That I’m here to help support his recovery, and all I ask for his honesty. The truth comes eventually when I offer that safe space. Sending you big hugs.


#10

Sending you love, @horton75. How are you doing today?


#6

This is a great thread, thanks!
My win is that I appreciate and acknowledge how far I’ve come in my codependency recovery. I make mistakes all of the time but can recognize them and flip the switch to think, act and react differently:
My worry is that my husband is actively drinking a lot and I am just so tired of it and the loneliness and how unhappy I am in our marriage.


#8

I love that you’re able to recognize and take action like that! I’ve definitely learned that after all that hard work and healing, those negative feelings and bad habits don’t necessarily go away for good. We’re just more aware of them and able let them go a lot easier.

It can be so exhausting and so lonely. What’s something you can do for yourself that can bring you joy? Even something small like take a walk. Or sign up for a class you’ve been interested in. Or lean into your favorite hobbies more. When I was getting unhappy in my marriage, I realized I was also unhappy with myself. I had learn to like myself again, and that meant doing things I enjoyed and finding a community I connected with. Big hugs to you. You’re not alone. :heartbeat:


#11

@momentsandlight I’m not great today but thank you for asking. I thought we were going to work through this episode with grace but all the sudden last night he was upset with me that I didn’t celebrate him enough on his birthday (the day after he came home drunk). Or the things I did do were not enough. He’s now saying I’m just not grateful in general and he’s upset and won’t let it go. It’s just so ironic because he said he apologized and made amends for what he did (drinking) and we’re all supposed to move on but he can’t move on from thinking I didn’t celebrate him enough on his birthday. Have a strong suspicion this is his shame talking but when I mentioned that he just denied it. Not fun. We argued today, I need to not engage in that but it’s tough when someone is pretty much ignoring you.


#12

@horton75 It all sounds super frustrating. And yeah, it does sound like it’s the shame, the addiction talking - blaming others, denying truth, etc. It can be tough to engage with someone in a healthy way when they’re in that state. I hope you’re able to take some time for yourself soon.