What’s your current state of mind? Wins, Worries, and with the new year just around the corner maybe a goal you’ll work towards, this is the place to share what’s on your mind this week. We want to hear it!
Remember, you never know who (or how) your share might help someone else this week! 
<3
And P.S. tips for goal setting:
Brief (uncomplicated)
Positive (what will be done)
Specific (measurable)
Reasonable
Under your control
Builds on skills you have
The worry: my Son just doesn’t know the trouble that lies ahead, even when it’s a drink here and there out of the home with friends that don’t know their influence. Win: I appreciate his honesty!
Yet it’s like I can see the future sometimes even if it’s in a distance future - maybe it’s a mom spidy sense! Well… today is not the day to worry and really, no day is a good day to worry or project things that have not come to pass. I would say that’s a “win” thought to keep in mind!
And holiday Win: A very nice holiday and all getting along while together for holiday family breakfast festivities!
I found a simple way to cope with my “mom anxiety” which gets out of control at times, especially at holidays. Here’s how it starts: I latch on to the tiniest things (mainly if I expected to hear from my son and did not), and the worry just magnifies from there. I’ve had sleepless nights, high adrenaline, racing heart, over worries that are often complete fantasies. Yes, I have a son with a serious addiction issue. But I’ve had to confront my own anxiety, which has been part of my life as long as I can remember, and which comes up out of habit more than anything else. I’ve recently changed jobs, and I have so much anxiety with that too, that I somehow won’t measure up!
With regard to worries over my son, I imagined, what if — what if my own mother had worried about me like that when I was 24 (and married and in my own household)? It would have been ridiculous. First, worry without action doesn’t help make a situation any better, it just causes me to suffer. Second, I have my own life to live - I would have wanted my mom to focus on her own life, not waste time and energy brooding about her adult child.
Then I remembered the Harry Potter spell “Riddikulus!” to banish ghostly Boggarts. Now, I imagine waving my wand and saying “Riddikulus!” to cast out my worries and fears when they arise. This has proven to be so simple, and effective, because it’s also silly - just like my false fears are.
Holiday win: Everyone had a lovely time over our Christmas trip! It was so nice to get time together with the full extended family - first time in 5 or 6 years! And I didn’t feel like I needed to monitor my dad’s behavior or the relationship between him and my sister - like I was worried I might. We visited my mom’s gravesite together which was sad and also therapeutic. (… now I’m sad to leave to go back home tomorrow. Such a nice trip!)
Okay, I looooove the idea of casting “Riddikulus!” over yourself! And really good perspective about how you would want to be treated on the other side of worry. Thanks @Julie_Smith!
Worry: my son has shown signs of shifting into negative self talk patterns. He was sick and missed a week of work and this sent him on a spiral of self defeating thoughts. I did what I could to try and shift his focus on the positive but when I realized I couldn’t control how he handles things in the moment I learned to simply say “I love you and you’ll get through this”.
Win: after he calmed down we had a really nice evening as a family with laughter and storytelling. Celebrating the wins!
I just posted that I picked a 2019 word for me: “Present” as in I MUST work on staying in the “present” moment when my mind drifts back to memories of my sister.
My current state of mind is that of both Worried and Wins. Worried: For my sister’s future Wins: I have realized I MUST detach myself and not stay in the moment when in contact with her. Realizing when that phone rings at night, she is going to be drunk and abusive to me. It is under my control to not pick up the phone and temporarily block her number, despite my anxiety in the moment.
I went to Alanon for a year and it did help but found it was becoming a constant reminder of what I had lost.
Happy New Year!