Trying to talk to someone who doesn’t want to communicate or listen can be infuriating, and oftentimes just turn into arguments instead of productive conversations. Add active addiction to the mix and it seems nearly impossible to communicate.
What are challenges that you have communicating with your loved one? Is there anything that has helped?
During the hard days he just won’t respond to calls or texts….in person is not any better as he isn’t present or engaged. Sometimes it can be a week without any normal communication not even discussing struggles I’m navigating.
What have I done that helps? I can tell you what doesn’t help…shutting down and giving him the silent treatment.
I guess for me the best thing is to just let him be…take care of myself and lean on other supports. Don’t treat him any differently. He eventually comes around.
I’d love to hear suggestions as sometimes the lack of communication feels impossible to navigate.
I second therapy! Both marriage counseling and individual therapy really helped my husband and I communicate better. I think the biggest thing we learned was that when we’re not communicating, we’re just kind of guessing at what the other person is feeling and thinking. And then we create this narrative around that, and by the time we do talk about it, we already have this story in our own heads that we’re reacting to rather than the actual truth. Therapy also allowed us to dig around together into our own pasts. For example, in couples therapy we realized that one of my husband’s triggers is a certain time of year because he associates it with loss. And so that explains why he often slips up during that time.
The first step though is getting both people onboard and willing to do therapy, which is a hurdle on its own. So if that’s not an option, I’d say that when there’s a lack of communication, just try to not take things personally and don’t assume you know what’s wrong with them. We never know what’s really going on with the other person unless they tell us, and making up our own stories based on their behaviors, tone of voice, etc. is not helpful.
Hi @rltybites - thanks for sharing. I like what you said here:
It sounds like you’ve got some good self care practices already in place, and people who you can turn to when you need support. Have you and your loved one considered couples counseling? It can be very helpful to have a professional guide you through better communication practices.