I read each of these helpful insights. I can only contribute an insight about interventions by sharing our experience.
Our son had been working hard at his job and Rodin quickly in the company. In a period of 18 months, he had moved all the way up to managing his own store. I knew ( as did he) that he was addicted to his prescription drug. What I didn’t see was how the use of alcohol was now indicative of a fast spiral out of control.
He received a DUI. He lost his job. He was losing his girlfriend. He stopped visiting his children from his first ( and only) marriage. The children had once been his first consideration. I was managing his prescription drug in an effort to “keep things under control.” He asked me to do it, and handed the pills over each month, but then we fought daily when he wanted an extra pill. He quit taking Dailey slower s, lost a lot of weight and rarely left the house.
My son’s girlfriend tried to do an unprofessional, yet well done intervention. She brought her mother and best friend. My husband and I participated. She convinced him to try going in to a recovery place. She drove him herself. But once there, he refused to stay. Girlfriend brought him home to her house. The next morning my son was in active and painful recovery. This time, I took him to the recovery place. He stayed long enough to get through recovery, and about a week longer.
What do you think about "interventions"
@alair, thanks for contributing to the thread. I’m dashed when I read about all the dis-integration that occurs when people become compelled to get and use drugs/alcohol. Sorry to hear of all the back and forth. It’s great that you found a recovery treatment center for your boy. In your thread you said
I think you meant to say “detox” when you said “recovery”.
I note that you and your son’s daughter are both working toward helping your son. How do you stay cooperative and in alignment?
Baby steps. You’re right, @Alair the brain takes a long time to heal, and fortunately it does rewire. You are very strong and patient in this situation.
This time, I took him to the recovery place. He stayed long enough to get through recovery , and about a week longer.
I think you meant to say “detox” when you said “recovery”.
I did intend to say detox instead of recovery. I stopped with my comments there, because it was a response about intervention.
Leaving after detox, but before treatment was even close to being completed was not good. However, to be fair, it was the beginning. My son’s girlfriend took him out too soon. She took him to her house. He stayed there only a few days and came back to our house. He was already drinking again. I got him back in to the same place, because they realized that he was supposed to be released to me, not his girlfriend. She meant well, and tried to help, but by this time didn’t have the needed supports in place to set boundaries that he respected. Once he went in to treatment the second time, and then was released to me, the boundaries my husband and I placed have so far been effective. He has no where else to live comfortably, and so has chosen a comfortable living condition and food over breaking the boundaries. I’m not naive enough to suppose he is making the choice because he wants to be in recovery most of all. If he had the opportunity to have both his drugs of choice and comfortable living, right now, I think that he would choose that kind of life.
It’s been two months of sober living right now. We know that it takes a very long time for the brain to heal. He is not yet ready to look for a job. In fact he hasn’t even signed up for unemployment yet. ( There was a glitch and I also got stuck there,) I am aware by things he says that he is not happy being sober, and isn’t committed to a lifetime of sobriety. My prayer is that as his brain heels, he will begin to see the potential of a wonderful life.
His girlfriend has bailed. He doesn’t understand that, but I do. He tells me that he is in contact with his children. I hope that is true. But I don’t see any evidence of that, and they don’t respond to my efforts to communicate.
A cause for celebration was when our daughter, ( his sister, obviously) and her husband and kids came for visiting and dinner, he stayed upstairs the whole time they were here. They all talked and laughed and interacted. I felt hopeful to see our immediate family come together with genuine love and caring for one another.
@Alair, my heart goes out to you because I have been there and it wasn’t very long ago!
Our son, who was a high functioning alcoholic, had been to detox multiple times, and went back to drinking shortly after each one.
He didn’t want to drink but his brain was high jacked and he didn’t see any other way of dealing with the pain and difficulties that he was dealing with medically, emotionally and even spiritually. He had been thru multiple long term girlfriends already. It wasn’t until he was about to lose his career that he had worked so hard to achieve that caused him to make the decision to go in for detox and a residential recovery program. It was his decision, not ours. We knew it had to be his decision because we had already tried so many times. Each person has their own bottom line of what they have to lose for them to decide to get the hep they need. Before they decide to do it, it won’t stick.
We were afraid we were going to lose our son along the way because his drinking was so heavy. I truly believe that it is only by the grace of God that we didn’t. It was that bad!
Our son is now over 6 months sober!!! He has taken the initiative to get an amazing sponsor thru AA and stick with it! He is using the tools that he has learned in treatment to deal with the issues that he faces that would have previously dealt with by drinking. There is hope for all ti recover!! I just want you to know that because I, too, felt hopeless and scared!!
I don’t mean this to be preaching, but I was only able to feel hope and joy when I read and learned more about the promises of God by reading the Bible and diligently praying! I started praying scripture over our son and believing in the promises of God! I still pray these over him and will continue as long as I live!!
I absolutely believe this has been a miracle! Our son has been drinking a lot for 10 years and only when I really got serious with God, did our son seek out help! It’s not because of me, but the power of God and what He tells us he will do when we seek him!
I wasn’t setting out to share all of this with you, but it is my experience and I am so very grateful to see our son healthy! I pray for your families to experience this as well!
Stay strong and keep loving them where they are! Take care of yourself too! It’s so important!
EMast,
“I don’t mean this to be preaching, but I was only able to feel hope and joy when I read and learned more about the promises of God by reading the Bible and diligently praying! I started praying scripture over our son and believing in the promises of God! I still pray these over him and will continue as long as I live!!”
Thank you for your encouraging statement.
When my son first got home from treatment, he seemed hopeless and lost. He was lying in his bed. I tapped at the door and asked if I could come in. He said sure. He said that his whole body ached and he “needed” his pills. I ignored his request, but asked if I could rub his shoulders like I did after he played football or baseball. I was surprised that he said yes. As I rubbed his shoulders and neck, I began to pray from that deep place inside you where are most vulnerable. I prayed silently, because although we are a praying family, we just haven’t prayed with the laying of the hands. When my son shook my hands away and said Thankyou, I told him that I had prayed a mother’s prayer to God to heal my son. I’m pretty sure that’s the strongest prayer God hears- a parent over their child. My son said the most encouraging words ever, “I’m praying too, Mom.”
I believe that we will get through this. I don’t know what the journey will be like, but I firmly believe that God is walking it with me.
Thank you again, for sharing your experience.
Thanks for sharing here, This brings many tears to my eyes as I can so relate to all of this; your pain and fear as well as your sons’ deep pain and shame. All I can say is don’t ever give up! I’m taking this advice for myself as well. There are bumps in the road even in recovery (for all of us) but gratitude fills my heart that God is in control and He is Sovereign! He is working even when we don’t see or feel it. Keep trusting Him! I sure am!
An additional note, my husband and I just met with close friends (a couple) the other night. The husband has been an alcoholic for 40 years. He was high functioning but when the valleys came , and they did many times, it was horrible. Things peaked over the past few years and especially this last year. He lost almost everything and ran into a lot of trouble. He finally surrendered his heart totally to Jesus (in his words) and he has been sober for several months now without any desire for alcohol. He has tried to quit so many times before and the lure has been too much. This time, he said, was different! I tell you this because I have closely witnessed the difficulties and the hurt over these 40 years. He is an amazing person with a very difficult struggle. He wasn’t able to overcome this in his own. I was sitting across the table seeing this miracle for myself! He said It took him putting his pride aside and finally acknowledging that He couldn’t do it in his own, that he had to hand it over to God.
We need to keep praying for and loving our loved ones that are facing addiction. Addiction is from the pit of hell and I stand and say that the devil can’t have them!! God honors our prayers and actually expects us to pray and trust Him!
He is bigger than the problems we face and I have definitely witnessed God’s amazing power in the miracle of my son and friend who have been released from the chains of addiction.
I keep trusting God every single day!
Praying for your son! So glad that he is praying as well! That’s wonderful!
I think interventions can be an effective tool as long as the person is willing to admit they have a problem and want help… An intervention with my son would accomplish nothing bc he absolutely refuses to admit it. Even when he is caught red handed, he will deny, deny, deny.
I think an intervention would be helpful if you have supportive friends/family. Also a way to pay for treatment would be important. Unfortunately resources to rehab are limited to a lot of people. I just think it will vary family to family but is always something to consider.
Hi @BLH, Absolutely- surrender is necessary and change is possible, but it’s not on our timeframe. Equally, your son may “Come to realize” that he needs a change, but you don’t get to say “when”.
As a parent it is excruciating to suffer through our children’s pain. In my opinion, I can only work toward better communication and more judgement-free interactions with my child. Many gears make a lock. If I can communicate in peace that’s a good start. 
This is so true @S0b3rSt0rms - what works for one family may or may not work for another. Recovery is so different for everyone!