What wins and worries are on your mind this week? [1.16.19-1.23.19]

#1

What’s your current state of mind? Wins, Worries, this is the place to freely share what’s on your mind this week. We’d love to hear it!

And remember, you never know how your share might help this week! :slight_smile:

#2

I’m reposting from another comment I made on one of my other posts because this is just where my head is at today!

It really helps to just write it out actually. I caught my boyfriend using a few days ago and he has been in recovery for about 18 months and out of rehab for about 7 months. I am praying that this is just a slip-up as he admitted fault right away and did not get defensive (which he has done in the past). Because of this recent slip-up, we decided that he will go to a meeting every day for the next 30 days. However, tonight he has decided he will go to the gym instead of a meeting. We never discussed that, he just decided it. I know that he really dislikes meetings so I don’t want to force him to go if they don’t help him, but it bothers me that he made this decision without talking to me. I know it is not my responsibility to keep track of his recovery but it has been hard to keep myself from controlling him. I know if I continue it will only push him away so I just told him “okay, that’s fine”. But he did add afterwards, that he will “mostly” go to meetings but sometimes he will go to the gym in place of it. I don’t know if I should be upset about him not sticking to our plan but I hope that he is getting the help he needs to help him move forward.

His mind seems to be okay. Sometimes I see the active using mind and sometimes I see the recovery mind, if that makes any sense! So you can imagine the emotional rollercoaster I go through throughout the day. I have been trying to focus on taking things one day at a time and taking care of myself. I started going to the gym with a friend as a form of self-care since we usually just talk while getting some physical exercise in. It’s one of the few times I don’t have to worry about anyone else but myself, plus it’s a great way to relieve some stress.

Right now, I feel uneasy but I think my boyfriend can see that so he has been checking in with me every so often while I’m at work. Every time he does something out of the ordinary like that, I keep wondering if he’s just manipulating me into letting him continue living with me while he uses. I hope that is not the case. Trying to stay positive, listening to music, writing this out, and going to the gym are all things I am doing my best to do to focus on my self-care!

#3

Thanks for sharing @Selfcare31 - we’re here for it! Love your self-care items :slight_smile:

I was always frustrated by my loved one’s approach to recovery - so haphazard and non-routine. I know others get routines and stick to them religiously! I also agree that the more support the better.

Keep up connections. And tip from my experience - if there are other empathetic friends and family who can layer in additional connection and support (whether it be a joint gym work out or a comedy show outing, or movie at home with) that may help lighten the weight of the worry you feel.

#4

I’m feeling positive this week! Working on a fun new, creative side project and that’s got my mind focused. So, my win is: creativity as self-care.

#5

I’m not too worried right now.
My wins:

  • Husband remaining really solid through stress (this still is something I’m really proud of, I know I say it a lot, but when you’ve seen what can happen during stressful times this is truly something to celebrate!)

  • He’s had a longer time away from the city and returns tonight which has allowed me some time to acclimatize back to the cold and hustle of the city. I could be worried about how he will reintegrate into the stress and lifestyle here but I’m choosing not to predict :slight_smile:
    AND…I’ve been doing heaps of yoga and meditation which is helping me stay grounded and connected to positivity and purpose!

  • I tend to overdo it though so hoping what starts as a self-care routine doesn’t land me with a cold - have you heard it’s flue season???!

<3

#6

As for my wins : I am more supported thanks to all of you :blush: .I feel more confidant that next time I make an approach I will be more prepared with less expectations .I will only focus on bridging the gap
My worries : I am afraid if i couldn’t make it correctly , I might lose him forever . He is becoming unpredictable lately.

#7

@Jane - I don’t have any wins this week :frowning: I have fallen off track for the latter part of the week. My sister’s court date from her DUI was on 1-16-19 and with my birthday being this past Monday, I fell off track emotionally. I had a few shots of hard liquor last night (which I know better!!) and ended up crying a lot and reminiscing about my sister. I haven’t written in my e-book for three days now, but will start again tonight and write about this incident.
I have learned the hard way to stay away from hard alcohol. For me, I go down an emotional path of destruction. I still have her number blocked for now. My boyfriend tells me to call her as she has text him a few times, late at night, to get in touch with me. But I know how that conversation will go and I mentally can’t take it.

Tomorrow is a new day:)

#8

Thank you for sharing so honestly @dbfbilly1. It’s hard, and I super appreciate you letting us journey with you.

Thinking of you this weekend.