What wins and worries are on your mind this week? [2.20.19-2.27.19]

#1

What’s your current state of mind? Wins, Worries, this is the place to freely share what’s on your mind this week. We’d love to hear it!

And remember, you never know how your share might help this week!

#2

Worried about not winning my relationship back with my qualifier. I feel helpless and at a loss every other week.

#3

My win this past week was seeing my mom last Sunday for brunch in the city. We had a great time and really bonded, she helped me go grocery shopping for the week and I was there for her when she told me about her struggles. I asked her about how things are going with using the car breathalyzer that was installed recently, and she said it’s going well! She seems ok using it. I’m also super proud of her because she recently got promoted at work.

#4

Worry / Frustration:
Husband got drunk last night again. Almost full bottle of wine done by the time I got home at 8 from yoga. Trying to be zen. He cooked dinner. But sort of slurring and super up. This time I let it flow and go and didn’t make a fuss. But he’d also been smoking inside which bothers me.

Then I go to bed and all good but he comes to join me and just was super irritating. Chatty and then trying to get a rise out of me and when I don’t respond - trying to wind down and sleep - starts saying mean things - other people find him fascinating… etc.

I’ll tell you what - I find him fascinating when he is SOBER :frowning:

#7

That’s awesome @ashleykm3! V cool that she’s responsive and open to talking about the breathalyzer, and so encouraging that she got a promotion!!

#8

Aargh, so frustrating @polly!

#5

I finally updated my blog with a post about celebrating the small wins, which was partly inspired by these “weekly wins” posts here so thank you! :pray:t4::sparkles:

I worry that my impatience is turning me into a “yeller” at home. I have a 4-year-old so I get impatient a lot lately and he’s super sensitive to it. My husband is also super sensitive to it. In a recent argument he called me “unpleasant to be around” when I get like that which was a very painful eye opener. I mean aren’t we all unpleasant to be around when we’re pissed off? But also, does that make it ok or mean that we don’t have the power to do anything about it? I think the answers are “probably” and “no,” respectively.

#12

Totally this addiction stuff is a nutty thing :slight_smile: @katie <3

#9

That can be such a loop, too, can’t it? You feel impatient and pissed off so you yell and then you feel bad for yelling so you’re even more irritated. :flushed: Wondering if @erica has any tricks up her sleeve for calming down in the moment?!

#11

I think everyone can relate to being unpleasant when we get upset, and to respond to @katie’s question, I think integrating some sort of relaxation technique can help in the moment so you have the ability to respond versus react.

Abdominal Breathing Exercise

  1. Note the level of tension you’re feeling. Then place one hand on your abdomen right beneath your rib cage.
  2. Inhale slowly and deeply though your nose into the bottom of your lungs. If you’re breathing from your abdomen, you hand should actually rise. When we’re in a panic or an anxious mood we tend to breath higher up in the chest which can actually make things worse. In this case, your chest should move only slightly while your abdomen expands.
  3. When you’ve taken in a full breath, pause for a moment and then exhale slowly though your nose or your mouth (your choice). Be sure to exhale fully. As you exhale allow your whole body to just let go (you might visualize your arms and legs going loose and limp like a rag doll).
  4. Do ten slow full abdominal breaths. Try to keep your breathing smooth and regular, without gulping in a big breath or letting your breath out all at once. Count to 4 for both the inhale and exhale.

Five full minutes of abdominal breathing will have a noticeable effect in reducing anxiety or early symptoms of panic.

Let me know if you try this out @momentsandlight! :yellow_heart:

#6

My husband has gotten really drunk 1 night each in the past two weeks. The first time I got really mad and it was a horrible night because he got mad back. The second time (so this week) I just took it in stride knowing we’d talk the next day.

Still he managed to get under my skin and was mean to me. Turns out he also forgot that he spoke to his parents and broke my christmas present mug that my sister made me…

Yeah he feels bad and I think gets that it’s a problem. Focusing on the negative outcomes of the drinking, instead of just targeting the drinking, has been helpful in discussing it with him.

But yeah - still pretty crappy right? <3

#10

Super crappy and so frustrating.

Love this distinction, though:

I’m sorry about your mug! Things are things, but they hold value. My sister bought me a beautiful mala necklace and it broke at work around the time that my dad’s substance use was at an all-time high so I was already on edge and just LOST IT. So many tears and beads rolling everywhere. My employees probably thought I was nuts, but it was important to me. As the mug is to you.

#13

Haha totally @katie oh things :slight_smile:

#14

Last Friday my husband went to rehab for the eleventh time. I’m not feeling well, relieved because he’s not using anymore but thinking about How things would be if he keeps relapsing…I feel tired and weak most of the time but it’s not the way I want to.

#15

So very glad you came here to share @Lucimara. Think it’s totally understandable that you feel tired and weak. We’re here for you - just let us know what support you need. :relaxed:

#16

I felt this way when my husband went to rehab. It was really weird. Like I thought I should be so happy. But I just felt completely drained.

I would say - use this time to slow down. Take care of you. Don’t focus on your thoughts right now too much. Try to recover in your body with quality food, rest, and company. Give yourself some time :slight_smile: <3 to let things settle.

#18

Thank you so much for your comments. It’s been really weird. I think I am a little depressed maybe? It was really difficult for him to go this time. I was ready to find a place for me and my children but he said that I could stay and he was the one that was leaving but the process until he got to rehab was very stressful. I’m really glad I have this place to vent. Thanks everybody.

#19