When and why do you feel judged about caring for someone with addiction?

[Jane]

I think this is something we share - a lot of us feel judged by the people around us in relation to our involvement with loved ones going through addiction. Just wanting to dig into this a bit with this group. Wondering when do you feel judged and why? Or if you don’t love to hear that too!

Starting with myself - I feel judged when I share what’s going on with people a little distant from the situation and they respond shocked and overly worried as to what’s going on currently. I think they mean to be caring but the worry makes me feel like there’s something majorly wrong and like I should be doing something different or better.

[Julie_Smith]

I have a hard time swallowing the idea of tough love, when people who don’t have much or any experience with addiction suggest abandoning my loved one, for example. Also enabling and codependent - I know these terms are helpful for some, but I tend to hear those words as a judgment against me. I sometimes have felt judged by my sponsor or recovery group (though not the one I’m with now). I recommend finding a group which feels like “home” and is supportive.

[Selfcare31]

This is so great - exactly how I’ve been feeling. People telling me I need to walk away and let go, people telling me I’m too codependent, etc. I have recently decided to stay with my boyfriend after a recent relapse and have gotten into a lot of arguments with his mom. She doesn’t agree and has been pushing me to abandon him. I’ve been looking for ways to process all of this and hopefully I found a group I feel comfortable with and a counselor I feel like is a good fit for me.

[polly]

At the beginning I felt very self conscious of being judged for sticking with my husband (who was my friend/boyfriend at the time) - like it was more of a choice to stay involved with him (since it wasn’t a brother or son etc.) when I was so so worried about the addiction it was causing me major stress.

Then in conversations I’ve certainly felt people sizing me up as codependent - which is the worst feeling!

And now I do find myself sensitive to judgement about how recovery is going - I feel like it’s a reflection on me I guess.

[Msyoung69]

My family, especially my mother, judge me VERY harshly! It upsets me greatly that I may have to choose between my family/friends and my husband, who is in detox at the moment, but it’s their choice to cut me off…as long as he is serious about battling and beating his addiction, I will be here to love and support him!