I’ve been with my husband since we were 16, married for 15 years, and we are both 39. He’s battled addiction off and on, but mostly had it sort of under control, with drugs at least. Alcohol has never went away. About a year ago he got on meth. We live in a small town so everyone knows your business. I’m struggling. I cry every day, im so hurt that I can’t help him. People close to me tell me to leave him so I don’t speak to anyone anymore. It’s gotten to the point where my teenage children’s friends parents are starting to not like me and being rude to me. I suppose they think im on drugs too but I’m not. My life is in shambles. I’m lost, im hopeless, and I don’t see an end in site. Crying every day for a year, lonely, misunderstood, and trying my best to keep my children’s life as normal as possible. One of the parents who used to like me is being so dismissive and unfriendly to me. It hurts so bad. I want to tell everyone i am not the one on drugs and if they only knew the chaos and heartbreak im going through maybe they would be a little nicer. I have no one to talk to. Im so lost. Any advice?
Hi @Bcee - I’m so sorry you’re in this situation and feeling this way. It’s definitely a very lonely place as the spouse of someone struggling with addiction. My husband is in recovery for opioid addiction and I have not found many people who can relate to my situation, either. I’m thankful for this community though, where I have been able to make connections with people who are going through similar things. Al-Anon has also helped me meet people who are compassionate and non-judgmental.
It must be very difficult though to be living in a small town where options are limited as far as support groups and people who can understand. Do you know if there is an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon group in your area? There are also online support groups - Al-Anon offers online meetings, or you can see if you’re eligible for the We The Village Family Support Study: https://www.familysupportstudy.com/community.
No one can tell you what is best for your relationship but you. And no one has the right to judge you when they have no idea what is going on in your life. Please take care of yourself, look inward and really ask yourself what it is you need. What is your truth. And hold on to that. You’re not alone.
Hi @Bcee - How are you doing today? Please know that you’re not alone. There are so many people who are in the same situation as you, and it’s so unfortunate that the stigma of addiction makes us feel ashamed. The best way to let go of that shame is to share your story and to hear other people’s stories.
But I’m guessing that with being in a small town, it’s probably tough to find in-person support groups with others who share your story. You’ve already made the next best step by looking into online support options - you found us! Have you had a chance to browse the site and connect with others like you? Here are a few related topics that you might find helpful:
- When and why do you feel judged about caring for someone with addiction?
- Friend is judging after hearing about my husband’s OD and subsequent recovery.
- How do you handle feeling judged about loving someone with addiction?
Have you looked into the Village Course? The next group is starting in January and provides support, training, and communication skills for people who love someone with substance use disorder.
Please check back and let us know how you’re doing!