“My son who has been sober for three months has started using kratom. Says “it’s legal”… I am so angry that I can’t see straight. Says he is depressed and he doesn’t know why. He should be on top of the world, he got a new job and his truck was fixed for less than we thought… his girlfriend has stuck by him… I just don’t understand why he would want to jeopardize everything again…”
*Posting on behalf of a Village Community member
jane: I completely understand your frustration and anger! My daughter has done the same thing in the past. Just switching one addiction for the other. It is so difficult to watch our children go through this. My experience (being an addict in recovery and the mother of two addicts) is that no matter how angry, frustrated and resentful we are with our children, our anger does not change a thing! In fact at times, my anger makes me physically ill and my daughter doesn’t give a damn because she is high! The mind of an addict can convince them that Its ok, just this once, I need it to function, I am depressed, anxious, etc. . . whatever the disease of addiction can convince us its ok to use (no matter the substance). I watched my son do this over and over, finally losing his life to the disease of addiction, now am watching my daughter. I have learned throughout this process that we cannot control the addict, no matter how much we want to! I have learned to separate the addict from my beautiful daughter, they are two different people. For me, anger only makes ME sick…
Often there seems to be a co-occurring mental health issue or previous trauma in the life of an addict. I know sometimes when I get angry, the underlying emotion is fear - the real fear in this case would be that your son is again harming himself with drug use. As a mom, the hardest thing I have to keep learning is that we can love our kids but we can’t change their behavior or decisions, only keep offering love and positive support. Sounds like your son might benefit from that to encourage him to find help for depression.
Thank you for sharing so honestly, @Robyn101.
When you do find yourself getting angry / frustrated / resentful, what do you do? How do you separate the “two different people?”
Alcohol, opiates (pain killers), and sedatives (xanax, ativan, etc) are all “legal” but addictive. In my experience when my son was in early recovery and was sober from his drug of choice (heroin) but continued to use other substances (pot) he continued to struggle with anxiety, depression, and motivation. It wasn’t until he removed all potential addictive substances that he began to feel better emotionally. And that led to being able to tackle his co-occurring mental health issues like @Julie_Smith mentioned with a clear mind.
Slips, setbacks, and lapses happen, but I’ve found trying to learn from them by asking my son about why it may have happened has helped him know I’m on his side, and continue to feel motivated to get back into recovery and learn from his slips.
@Julie_Smith Thank you for that insight! And I agree, from my experience when someone is switching from one addiction to another, it meant that one of their needs weren’t being met or they were still facing the same triggers and just masking the original addiction with another vice. When an early recovery slips or when relapse happens, for me it means that we have to reassess what the triggers are for their addiction or any co-occurring mental health issues.